Tag: humour

The In-between – Part 33 of 31 – A possible beginning

The End

Just a little something,  I doubt I will take it further for now but I don’t like to keep things back…

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part15 Part16 Part 17 Part18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part25 Part 26 Part27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32

Armitage smiled and sat back in the chair.  There was something quite homely about the place, with its high open fireplace and dark wooden bookshelves.  He fingered the leather of the tall wingback chair and finished his tea.

“He looks fun” he said motioning with his empty cup to a picture that hung above the fireplace.

An impressively moustached fellow stood defiantly legs akimbo in front of an erupting volcano.  Armitage placed the tea on the small low table in front of him.  There was something so familiar about the clink of the tea cup on the china saucer.

“So you say we’re part of ‘The Office of Entropy” he asked looking at the small grey haired woman sat next to him.  “And we’ve been here before?  If you ask me this all sounds a bit dangerous to be honest.  Are you sure about this because I am a renowned coward.”

The old lady laughed.  “Oh dear boy, we’re dead remember.  I think we can perhaps put to bed some of those worries.  All seems to make perfect sense if you think about it.”

Armitage threw her a most confused look.  “How the devil does any of this make sense?”

McCann offered more tea.  “Don’t let it worry you Armitage” she said as Armitage shook his head.  “Trust me, you’re a natural.  It will all come back to you.”

He let out an unconvinced “hmm” and sat back in the chair.

“So what happens now then?” he asked.  “Whilst I enjoy tea as much as the next man I would assume that there is more to this existence.”

McCann smiled.  “I have something to show you, come with me.”

What Teddy saw. 2.

Something a little different. There may be more they may not.

There are things you see that cannot be unseen, and when you are alone in the dark they play over in your head time and time again.  Even when tucked up in bed I can still see what he did with the play-doh when she was away for the weekend at her mothers.

A few weeks later I had to endure a tea party with a friendly enough chap made out of blue and yellow, and no matter how hard I tried I could not look him in the eyes. In some ways it was pretty impressive and I had no idea something of that size would hold it’s shape without some sort of reinforcement.

It is not just what I see that fluffs my stuffing though, an inability to act is an equally frustrating thing indeed.  Just yesterday the fellow from next door – the one with the paedophile hair-cut and revealingly tight jeans – popped over to see her when he was at work.  Apparently he had an abundance of plums which he was concerned would go a little soft if left uneaten.

I think he has his eye on her if you ask me, though she didn’t seem interested despite his quite obviously ripe fruit.

Apparently she is going to make some jam.

Here you go…

Look, if I don’t write them down they go round and round in my head and that really is not a good thing at all.

A young couple loves garden were tending

every moment each day they were spending

and their love grew and grew

oh the things they would do

though she drew a clear line at rear ending

 

Yet another one of these

Look, if I don’t write them down they go round and round in my head and that really is not a good thing at all.

Once a fellow woke up on a Sunday

at his cold wife winked “Hey is it fun day?”

she declined his request

and insisted at best

a quick hand job on three weeks from Monday

 

What Teddy saw. 1.

Something a little different. There may be more they may not.

I do not want to do this anymore and am wondering very much if there is a way out.

Whilst I realise it is my lot in life, and with my doleful eyes and thick creamy fur I am perfect for the job, my god you have no idea what it’s like.  If I am lucky then I may get to enjoy a tea party or a picnic with some of the others but for the most part I simply have to sit and watch.

Now Ive seen Toy Story, and I would assure you that despite what you may think there are no playful shenanigans when you leave the room.  I do not get to spoon with Barbie whilst cowboys and astronauts reach for the stars.  Nor are there adventures to be had beyond the toy box.   All we do is watch.   

Now Some of you may be people watchers, and if so then good for you, but just imagine what it is like watching the same people day in day out.  This isn’t some whimsical existence where I can wistfully imagine the life they have from a distance.  No, this is a living hell where I have to witness every awful thing that goes on behind closed doors.

I often wonder which bastard created me because I can’t even close my frigging eyes.

Just yesterday I’d been left on the kitchen side and I had to watch him eating leftovers, straight from the fridge, naked in the middle of the night.  He has an abundance of body hair which in itself is bad enough but what made it extra special was the way he still managed to scratch himself with a chicken drumstick in each hand.  No wonder he spends so much time on the bloody toilet, anus chicken will do that to you every time.

If only I knew how to end it.

Oh yeah. Hard core.

I realise that one right does not in any way fix all of the wrongs.

Parched the earth waits still

distant rumbles promise life

passes by taunting

 

Oh good god I tried to write a proper haiku effort and I feel all dirty.  Please don’t think badly of me or tell anyone because I have a reputation to keep up.  I really have no hidden depths than need to be explored, I am somewhat blond to the beauty around me mostly and I do not possess the angst nor the soul to produce something that will speak to your heart.

I can however turn cock, sock and shock into something pretty funny when so moved which is something I guess.

Play to your strengths eh 🙂

 

 

 

 

Another one of these

Look, if I don’t write them down they go round and round in my head and that really is not a good thing at all.

Scottish musician Roddy McDougall

rugged looks, kind and handsome, quite frugle

how the ladies would wilt

at the sight of his kilt

at his impressive bagpipes and bugle