Your nasty Monday limerick

Count your blessings!

Hygienically challenged from Lincoln

was a lass who’s front bottom was stinkin’

She neglected to wash

men would try, but oh gosh

she would only get laid if they’re drinkin’

The fizzled enchantment and other stories of ruin – Room 101

A start of somethign perhaps…

In response to M’s writing prompts which you can find at the link below.  These are often just quick pieces, ideas or glimpses of what might be…Fun to do though.  I used to try do them in 101 owrds but meh, it’s close enough…See the prompts here


The lights of the night beyond splashed across the hotel bedroom walls and painted his body in neon pinks and blues as he walked towards the window. Breathing deep he slid open the heavy glass panes and the noise of the city spilled in with the cold winter air. Shivering he lit a cigarette and watched below, the smell of her cheap perfume still on his skin and that god awful noise she made ringing in his ears.

Snow began to fall slowly as she emerged below and stepped out onto the street, already he could sense the life beating inside her, feeding hungrily. He hated himself almost as much as he hated them, but their soft pink bodies made great hosts…

And onwards…

Something inspired by something else

How beautiful you are

Beneath the stars alive, so brightly burning

And all about, the darkness yearning

For a word, a touch, a glance

That sweet romance, the slightest chance

To feel that light and love and grace

And like the sun warm on my face

We are, always, here in this place

And lights we pray won’t dim

Like far too many, gone before

those promises they sweetly swore

But time moves on, they are no more

But that is not our fate…

Alas my beard is no more.

A thing about why I am currently beardless…

Note to self…next time you decide on a quick beard trim before bed remember to check the settings because if you don’t youre likely to shave too much off and end up with a goatee, and let’s be honest – unless you’re the devil, a jazz saxophonist or a dirty bastard of dubious morals who hangs around pet shops with ill intent then you should not be rocking a goatee.

In hope rather than expectation I asked Mrs Afterwards whether I might perhaps not have a goatee and suggested it might be okay though I knew full well that I did and it wouldn’t and she quite honestly pointed out that it looked ridiculous and I needed to go finish the job and could I stop disturbing her whist she watched the end of her whodunnit.

Actually, that isn’t the first beard related shenanningan in the last week thinking about it. I run a quiz at work each month and this month I did a “Who’s mouth and beard is this?” thingy. Turns out my team has a lot of beardo’s and before I knew it my phone was overflowing with man bush. I made sure I told the mrs as it struck me that should I get run over by a bus (something I was assured happened often when I was younger and I ought to therefore always have clean pants on), my phone might suggest that I had been dipping into the ‘bear’ pool on Grinder.

I did have a chuckle when I considered turning each of the mouth and beard photos 90 degrees but again, Mrs Afterwards reminded me that it was a work thing I was doing and that I was a horrible man and ought to be ashamed of myself. Just think about it…

Shes always right you know 😉

Now in the calm

Some rhymey stuff

These words, these thoughts, these in between

The lines, the sheets, the days and dreams

This place he finds her,madness screams

As nothing ever lasts.

Each syllable twists in the wind

Words whisked away, she cant rescind

Or even hide where they have sinned

And clings to hopes now dashed.

Forlorn until time heals and mends

To keep from harm the heart pretends

Until new starts warm cold dark ends

Their pain slips to the past.

Out in the Van – Ilkley Moor

A day out in Yorkshire. And without one’s hat…

Okay so not strictly speaking a van trip but a great day out clambering about the Cow and Calf up on Ilkley which is just a hop, skip and a jump from where I live.  

Pictures say it all really.  It was windy and somewhat grey but a lovely way to spend a good few hours indeed.

A Tuesday Limerick.

Wholly inappropriate for a Tuesday. Actually scratch that. perfectly suited for a Tuesday.

Christian couple in love, most appealing

Was desire but they fought it, prayed kneeling

Waited patient ’till wed

In Christ’s love took to bed

Balls so blue when he came, hit the ceiling.

These fragile things

One of these on a Monday.

If lost, the things I hold most dear,

these minutes, hours, months and years

that helter skelter through my mind

swim intertwined with all I am,

and without which I could not be.

Still I would cling to hope and faith

that were we ripped from life and love

that in that place of darkest loss

not knowing where or when or why

I would reach out and find you there

and once again sweet love would taste

and life renewed, new memories make

this destiny once more to live.

Out in the Van – Saltburn, Skinningrove and Runswick bay.

After a few days inland we headed to the coast because the boys fancied some body boarding. There weren’t great waves but we had a blast anyway. The cold never deterred them one bit and we found some lovely and fairly quiet beaches. (The chilly weather may account for that)

for that).

This is A gorgeous neck of the woods and we will be returning next year for sure.

But for now this is it, time to head to Cottingham in the morning to see my mum then its home in the afternoon.

Happy travels

Out in the van – Northshire Camp Site near Saltburn by the sea.

What a treat indeed…

This camp site gets its own entry because I’ve never see anything like it. As if the gypsy caravans and peacocks weren’t enough it has a freaking replica of Hagrids house, a hobbit hole and a wonderful Tolkien/Rowling – esque tea room.

We’ve been to a few beaches so we could go body boarding but its been such a great site we’ve been keen to get back.

Pics say it all I think…

Out in the van – Settle and Pickering

We headed out to Settle for an overnight camping birthday party desire the weather forecast of fuck loads of rain. Turns out they were wrong. Instead there were fucking shit loads of bastard rain. At one point I’m sure the farmer was bringing in animals two by two.

Eventually a third of the site flooded and we couldn’t get out until the water subsided overnight. We are though English so we don’t allow such thing to put us off.

We had a bbq, I drank too much wine and the kids had a blast.

I should also point out I was in the van whilst everyone was in tents. Dry and toasty.

From there it was 90 miles across yorkshire to Pickering for a quick layover and a family party. The site has great wifi and they delivered breakfast sandwiches so the boys said its the best site ever!

Next stop …well come back in a few days to see…need to get packed up and hit the road.

Alive

Just messing around with words and patterns and themes…

This dance, this tender back and forth

blown on the wind, true north, stars bright

seem gone at dawn, but night burn white and linger still.

When passions red paint rooms and beds and will, aflame

here in this embrace call your name and then

complete submit and without blame or guilt lose track

of time and lack no thing for all I have and need is you.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

and cake.  I like cake too.  And biltong and great tv and my van and my family and the rain and comics and Judge Dredd and tattoos and boobs.   Oh and my drill.  It’s a cordless bosch and I enjoy it a lot.  Great battery life.