A cross eyed young dentist called Steven
had teeth that stuck out, most uneven
he could not understand
when he smiled, shook their hand
His customer got up and were leavin’
Maybe one more
Dentist time, open wide!
Category: limericks
Dont act surprised, limerick time.
It’s all you get until the end of June. Just limericks. Because why not.
A butcher from Leeds who loved pies
Cant resist them, though trust me tries
Now his belly’s quite round
and his man boobs profound
and you should see the size of his thighs
Limerick o’clock!
Careful you dont catch a cold when frolicking…
A quite lovely temptress from Dover
loved to frolic and roll in the clover
She would lie in the dew
with a fellow or two
caught a chill, went without a pullover
Limerick time yet again
One about men who like sexy shorts
A lycra fanatic from Hull
Would go cycling, but found it quite dull
Not a big fan of sports
But he so loved the shorts
Which he packed quite eye wateringly full
Another limerick because why not…
Gotta look your best when you’re out killing people
Once a Tailor, and serial killer
Found pale soft skin quite the thriller
They would scream, how it hurts
As he turned them to shirts
And smart trousers, that he’d wear to dinner
A nasty limerick of course…
Wash you bloody hands
Once a vet with unhygienic habits
Fondled gerbils and squirrels and rabbits
She got pink eye, and worse
Traumatised a poor nurse
As her bottom it writhed with fat maggots
A Get Well Soon Limerick…
ouchy
Hope this finds you somewhat on the mend
Hear it’s swollen quite close to the end
Feels like it may fall off
If you move fast or cough
And you near shit your pants when you bend
Limerick. Oh Don’t act surprised.
Explosive stuff
Friend of mine met this lass, not realising
That her bum was quite uncompromising
During candle lit sex
Massive fart, and then next
thing her sphincter’s on fire, unsurprising
Naughty Haiku !
That will leave your breath a bit nasty…
Wife wants a divorce
she caught him with her tooth brush
enjoyed how it buzzed
A love limerick
We all know the type, eh…
Once a fellow quite fond of romance
took a buxom young girl to a dance
he was charming and sweet
swept her right off her feet
all a plan to get into her pants
photo courtesy of me
A haiku about being naked.
One about not wearing pants
ardent naturalist
flatulent, taco Tuesday
soiled their new sofa
A Limerick.
You do you, Brenda
A broad shouldered lady called Brenda
Big old hands, hairy arms, legs quite slender
Wispy beard and top lip
Quite full breast, curvy hip
Size 12 feet, up to her as to gender
Limerick time
Yum yum
Rotund chap with a craving for cakes
Oh for pastries and sweet things he aches
he just cannot say no
to a cream filled gateau
so much so when he walks his moobs shake
Mmmmmm tasty
Gluten tolerant!!!!
There once was a woman from France
Asked a baker to go to a dance
As she really did want
His baguette and croissant
And his perfectly shaped vol-aux-vents
Get well soon…Limerick Time.
Hallmark-esque
Heard you’re sick, quite unwell, chesty wheeze
Get well soon and stay hydrated, please
Hope you’re soon on the mend
It’s quite gross, can’t pretend
As your bum still explodes when you sneeze
More can you spot the film, Limericks?
Last of these I promise…
A witch called Hermione, when drunk
Would go mad for a wand wielding hunk
Dragons got her real hot
Hippogriffs ripe to trot
She’d go wild for a werewolf’s big trunk
Can you spot the film, Limericks?
There once was a wizard called…
A dirty gameskeeper called Rubious
When alone would do things, some deemed dubious
He’d profess, “It’s not weird,
Now come straddle my beard.”
He’d scream loud and explode like Vesuvious
Open wide for a limerick
SAY AAAAAAHHHHH
A wayward young dentist called Esther
.
Handsome patients would quite often pester
.
Press up close to their side.
.
Wink and say “open wide”
.
In the hope that they might just molest her
Limericky Dicky
Gluten most tolerant
A hot blooded young baker called Dicky
had a thing for hot bread and so quick he
would fondle baguette
blush and stammer and sweat
and his fingers would end up quite sticky
A limerick. For no real reason.
Toasty warm
Once a vet, quite the lover of rats,
mice and gerbils, but not fond of cats
Made a fine pair of mittens
from some cute persian kittens
and a tabby he made into hats
STD Limerick?
That will need antibiotics I imagine.
There once hailed a young man from Dublin
saw the doctor who said “It’s quite troubling,
that it’s looking most queer
could be syphilis I fear
as it’s covered in puss and is bubbling.”
Get well soon x
Feeling under the weather?
Heard you’re under the weather and wheezy
.
and your bottom is really quite breezy
.
and you’re head’s thick and snotty.
and your breath’s pretty grotty.
lots of fluids and rest, take it easy
A quick Wednesday limerick
One about butt stuff.
Once a mistress on more she insisted
.
Wanted love not just sex, dark and twisted
.
Tenderness, love, respect
.
Instead anus, quite wrecked
.
As her fellow her bottom rough fisted
Another limerick…
Oh those long, cold and lonely nights…
Once a quite lonely Chilean farmer
Fell in love with one of his prized llama
How he could not resist
When it bucked, spat and hissed
When he dressed it in sexy pyjama
Hey, look, yet another limerick…
The heart wants what the heart wants
Once a vicar with darkest of cravings
Spent church money on dark misbehaving
Bought crack, liquor, and whores
And rent boys by the scores
Who he claimed he’d intended on saving
Afterwards 