Billowy Breezes – March Prompts 11/31

Truly scraping the bottom of the barrel here…I should be ashamed.

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below.  Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what I can do in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.


There was once was a fellow called billowy breezes

His real name was  Bob and he shits when he sneezes

So great is the force that it buckles his kneeses

And bent over he tends to explode

 

“Can’t be helped” he insists when he’s asked on the matter

One time at a wedding the bride he did splatter

Caked a kitty in turds left her fur quite in tatters

When one day he was crossing the road

 

If he’s sniffly at work folk will run and take cover

He once exploded so hard the filth knocked a man over

Hes quite famous, once painted the white cliffs of dover

After eating some chillis he’d growed

 

So watch out if you see him take care and beware

It not really his fault and yes people will stare

You should not walk behind him on the way up the stair

Just in case he happens to unload

 

Callista – Room 101

Just a little something.

These things tend to be short pieces that may or may not be the beginning of something else. Originally they were 101 words only. I’m less strict about that now. They dont always finish, I just like to try and evoke a certain feeling or scene.


Spencer stirred slowly as the cryo pod hissed and opened, his head pounding and the cabin lights causing him to reach up and cover his eyes.  He breathed deep trying to quell the nausea.  Hauling derilium ore across the galaxy was great money and the chance to see the colonies was something so few Earth born would ever experience but he’d never get used to the effects of coming out of deep sleep no matter how many times he did it.

Still squinting he checked the readout on the small display on his wrist.  Coordinates and timings checked out, he was back home.  Excited, he pulled himself from the pod, head spinning and stumbled over to the bridge, desperate to get a glimpse of the planet he had left behind nearly 150 years ago.

“What the…” he mumbled steadying himself against the back of a large chair.  He looked down at the control panel in front of him, lights blinking.

“Calista, confirm destination coordinates reached.” He said stabbing at a flashing red button.  The proximity sensors were on overload.

A flat calm voice responded.  “Coordinates for Earth orbit reached, local year is 2187.”

They had to be wrong.  “Calista please recalibrate and verify coordinates.”

“Coordinates for Earth orbit reached” she repeated.

Struggling forward he walked slowly over to the long wide window at the far end of the deck.  Where there should have been a planet all there was rock and debris as far as he could see.

“Calista where is Earth?” he asked.  There was a brief pause.

“Coordinates for Earth orbit reached” she answered.  “Records show no transmissions from Earth for 30 solar cycles.”

“Scan for local signals” he instructed.  Something must have survived whatever had happened.

Ore freighters didn’t have a crew or captain, programmed to track to their destination coordinates and only wake the solitary crew member – the engineer – in the event of significant technical difficulties.  Obviously Earth being rubble was for some reason not classed as a significant.

“No signals across any frequency detected” she answered.  “Scanning complete”

He stood and considered what to do next, his head still fuzzy from the effects of spending 70 year frozen as he tore across the galaxy.

“Calista, estimate return route to nearest Earth outpost, factor in remaining cryo reserves.”  HE knew he didn’t have enough for a full trip back to the nearest colonies but reserves should get him somewhere he could refuel and refill the cryo.

It took her longer than he had expected.  “Calista?”

“Estimates indicate that with current reserves and running STL drives at 10 percent to maximise remaning fuel it will take approximately 22 years to reach the nearest outpost at Sentauri.”

“And how much capacity have we got in cryo?  I really don’t want to be awake for 22 years with just you for company, no offence intended”

“None taken” Calista responded.  “Reserves will permit 5 years of additional deep sleep.”

“That’s it?  Five?”

“Affirmitive, Five”

Spencer sat down in the large chair and stared out into space and wondered whether the ships computer had solitaire built in…

Powder Blue – March Prompts 10/31

The poor lass.

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below.  Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what I can do in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.


 

In powder blue a true delight

Her belly full her clothes quite tight

He knocked her up hes doing right

And marrying it seems

 

She loves him so, he thinks he might

Just love her back but late last night

He met this girl oh quite a sight

she quite fulfilled his dreams

 

well dreams may be a wee bit trite

they fondled in the pale moonlight

and to her place they headed right

and devious thoughts he schemes

 

And home at crack of new day light

inside he tries to tread so light

but she’s aware and now his plight

is far worse that it seems

 

He tries to lie but gets a fright

As on his neck she left a bite

no longer he her shining knight

Tears replace loves beams

Screwing you haiku

Surprise!

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much. Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous. Oh, and I know they’re probably Senryu. I struggle with boundaries a bit.

 

 

he calls her name loud

back arched, the throes of passion

she stirs from her sleep

The number of the beast

Post 666

This is my 666th post.

It should be something creepy or evil shouldn’t it.  What actually sprung to mind though  was growing up in conservative white South Africa in the eighties and there being a general hysteria about the number.

From those ridiculous eighties Pentecostal preachers howling and wailing about the number of the beast to searching Iron Maiden album covers for secret 666 markings  it was a number that was just often there in popular culture.

Kids would joke about it,  bushy bearded racist Afrikaner pastors would warn against it and eighties horror films featured it heavily.  If you’ve seen the omen you will surely recall the head shaving bit where the numbers are revealed.

In school I recall sitting through lessons where we were made quite aware of the dangers of all things modern and particularly anything relating to Iron Maiden and quite specifically ‘Stairway to Heaven’ by Led Zepplin which, if our teacher was to be believed,  would inevitably lead you to all manner of beastly activities including masturbation, smoking marijuana and fornication.

Makes me realise that we really have not come that far as a species when we pay such heed to superstitious nonsense though ‘Stairway’ does remain one of my favourite tracks to this day.

Happy Friday 🙂

 

“Its Friday where I live” Limerick

Just a normal non weird kinda effort

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?


 

Once a placid young chap from Brazil

Snapped, killed his wife with a drill

Said “she would scream and she’d shout

And my patience ran out

As her voice was quite loud and so shrill.”

 

Gettysberg – Room 101

The smell of blood and gunpowder mixed with the crack and fizz of musket balls filled Abel’s senses

These things tend to be short pieces that may or may not be the beginning of something else. Originally they were 101 words only. I’m less strict about that now. They dont always finish, I just like to try and evoke a certain feeling or scene.


The smell of blood and gunpowder mixed with the crack and fizz of musket balls filled Abel’s senses. Cold steel met soft flesh and a young lad, no more than 18 years old, collapsed lifeless next to him – dark blood seeping into his grey uniform. His heart thundered like the endless roar of cannons trained on their position from the ridge and he took a drink from his canteen.

Looking over to where General Lee stood he reached for his revolver. It was time to end this war.

He raised his revolver but before he had chance to squeeze the trigger there was a flash of light and he found himself back on the table in the departure centre.

“Change of plans Abel” came a voice over the comms, “were going to let the war continue a bit longer.”

Oh look…

Just loves how it feels on his skin…

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?


A Preacher shouts “By God I’m blessed”

Yet at home you would find him cross dressed

French cut panties all lace

Basque pulled taught at the waist

really loves how it shows off his chest

Screw you haiku

Another day another silly haiku thing…

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much. Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous. Oh, and I know they’re probably Senryu. I struggle with boundaries a bit.

 

Shared bathroom shelving

lotions, potions spill over

single razor blade

 

A tisket for a tasket – March Prompts 9/31

Imagine it being sung as a nursery rhyme by a creepy little child as it plays with a broken doll.

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below.  Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what I can do in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.


 

A tisket for a tasket throw your mother in a basket

Put the basket in the fire watch the flames as they grow high

 

A tisket for a tasket put the baby in the basket

Watch the baby sail away and then rule the land one day

 

A tisket for a tasket push the boat man in a basket

Put the basket in the river watch him drown and watch him shiver

 

A tisket for a tasket put the lover in a basket

Pop the basket in the pot serve the lover piping hot

 

A tisket for a tasket shove the father in the basket

Hang the basket from the tree watch him jig and dance with glee

 

A tisket for a tasket lay yourself down in the casket

Put the casket in the ground there you can’t make any sound.

 

Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday: Renew and Refresh

Another grown up attempt at a tanka.

Colleen’s Tanka Tuesday

I don’t take many things seriously as you probably know but I am going to make a concerted effort to do Colleen’s challenges properly when I do them. I have scant regard for the correct use of haiku and tanka and often do such beastly things to them but I think it is also important to show appreciation for the little blighters because they are so fabulous when done right.

This week the challenge was to use synonyms for RENEW and REFRESH.  I used AWAKEN and RESTORE.


 

Golden her embrace

and with warmth does hearts restore

embers awakens

yet in her passing cold creeps

and once more restores her reign

Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge: Sneak & Night

Let’s keep it simple shall we.

Ronovan provides the words. Then a haiku follows

Loves light calls at night

young heart sneaks in, passions burn

wrong room, fondles mum

https://ronovanwrites.com/2018/03/05/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-191-sneaknight/

Oh look a limerick on a Wednesday.

Who’d have thought

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?


A gym bunny, just one of the boys

Wanted mass so he turned to the ‘roids

As his pecs grew quite thick

He lost sight of his dick

He don’t care ‘cos he flexes with poise

Punch Drunk – March Prompts 8/31

Wincing, eyes blinking, afraid and never thinking

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below.  Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what I can do in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.


 

Wincing, eyes blinking

Afraid and never thinking

Using, abusing

just cover up the bruising

aching, shaking

giving never taking

violent, silent

need to be compliant

pretending, never ending

in time the flesh is mending

beneath covers, lost lovers

from this he won’t recover

Me and Judge Dredd

Happy borthday Judge Dredd, 41 years and going strong!

If I count the things that are particularly precious to me 2000ad is right up there. I mean right up there, perhaps not above the kids but definitely well ahead of a number of the members of my wider family.

Not sure what it is?

Well 2000AD is a weekly British Science fiction comic, first published in 1977 and probably most famous for bringing us Judge Dredd.

From my earliest age I loved the characters and the artwork and a thread throughout my life for as long as I can remember. I remember first reading it in the early eighties growing up in South Africa and the impact it had was huge, feeding my love of science fiction and it is something that has never left me.

When we had our first child we had very little and only £600 in the bank and the opportunity to buy the entire 30 year back catalogue presented itself. Price? You guessed it. £600. I remember driving 200 miles to Bristol in a battered old Vauxhall Corsa with the last of our savings and loading them into the car from floor to roof. You any idea how many comics that is? Well now I have 40 years worth plus some others and believe me, storing more than 2500 comic books is no easy feat. That is every issue from number 1 in 1977.

Ive also developed a love of comic artwork over the years, and will write about it again in a future post but to feed my love of all things 2000Ad I have amassed a pretty sizeable collection of original comic art which I absolutely adore. The photo below shows A Clint Langley original above the printed version.

20171114_070828.jpg

Have I ever mentioned my tattoos? No? Well this is one of my 2000ad themed ones. A quite gorgeous Judge Dredd on my left arm done by Lee Rudeboy Reynolds at Rude studios in Leeds. A truly marvellous artist. I have another on my right that I will show you another time,

judge_dredd_tattoo_i_did_by_rudeboytattoo-d7991vk.jpg

My love gets worse though. I have two children, and both have middle names named after things that really matter to me. I will tell more about my eldest’s some other time but I can confirm that my youngest’s middle name is Joseph, named after Judge Joseph Dredd.

So as you can see, a real influence in my life and there is still nothing as fabulous as the most recent copy dropping through my letter box each week…

To love through loss

Teary eyed she stands in the rain

Asks “Daddy why did she die”

He father holds her hand and says

“sometime we don’t know why.”

 

Dear love, best friend so loyal and true

She remembers, heart forlorn

The moments shared, the life the love

So cruelly from life torn

 

“It seems so sad, she was so young”

As tears mix with the rain

“do doggies go to heaven dad?

Will I see her again?”

 

 

Oh look, a limerick

I’d not read this eating your tea

I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?


A young chap thought that he would perhaps

Enjoy butt sex then his sphincter collapsed

Oh my god came the shout

As his insides dripped out

It’s like someone turned on the shit taps

Screw you haiku

Another day another silly haiku thing…

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much. Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous. Oh, and I know they’re probably Senryu. I struggle with boundaries a bit.

Long legged beauty

Slender, shapely, long necked

Dirty giraffe thoughts

Silly Assumptions – March Prompts 7/31

“Oh take care to assume
or to careless presume
that the world will still be there tomorrow…”

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below.  Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what I can do in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.


 

 

Oh take care to assume

or to careless presume

that the world will still be there tomorrow

for it could all just end

so wise up don’t pretend

as it could all just end in real sorrow

 

We could spin into the sun

Then we’d all be well done

And sun screen wont do no good at all

We could suffer a blast

From a meteor fast

Which would melt us in its fireball

 

Or a virus that turns

you to mush as it burns

your insides and they drip from your pores

Or a zombie infection

And your without protection

And your wife eats your brain while you snore

 

Perhaps creatures from space

Who would eat off your face

And lay eggs in your gut a foot long

And you’d burst at the seems

As young creatures burst free

And they feed on your corpse and grow strong

 

So take heed and beware

Live each day and take care

As today could well just be your last

You could die in your chair

No one find you and there

You’d be found, face chewed off by your cats

Screw you haiku

Aah that feels better. Not a mention of the seasons or little golden leaf boats or winters icy fingers…

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much. Mostly though I like to defile them with the ridiculous. Oh, and I know they’re probably Senryu. I struggle with boundaries a bit.

Lesson well heeded

Never gamble on a fart

Worse first date ever