A tale of love in the middle ages
This week your WordPress feed with be filled with the theme of love, and through my limericks and haiku I will attempt to fill you with some of mine.
Once a fellow quite fond of romance
took a buxom young girl to a dance
he was charming and sweet
swept her right off her feet
all a plan to get into her pants
photo courtesy of me
A piece where I mention turkey wattle in an inappropriate way
As a balance to the inevitable avalanche of love and tenderness spewing into your WordPress feed this week I bring you these.
Heart beating, mouth dry
knotted stomach, hands trembling
Love? Food poisoning?
A tale of love in the middle ages
This week your WordPress feed with be filled with the theme of love, and through my limericks and haiku I will attempt to fill you with some of mine.
A sweet maid gave her heart to her fella
but alas she was ripe he could smell her
from her feet to her pits
tits and girl naughty bits
but was desperate so chose not to tell her
photo courtesy of me
A piece where I mention turkey wattle in an inappropriate way
As a balance to the inevitable avalanche of love and tenderness spewing into your WordPress feed this week I bring you these.
Tender caresses
Kisses planted in the dark
Grunts, rolls over, snores
I thought perhaps I would turn my hand to a spot of erotic fiction…
Another month of M’s writing prompts lies ahead. I did them all in December but was less successful in January. Let’s see how we do in February shall we.
I thought perhaps I would turn my hand to a spot of erotic fiction for this prompt piece but realised that I would need to be serious and found it rather difficult.
There I am trying to create the right mood for you the reader but before I know it I am throwing in words willy nilly such as throbbing, veined and moist.
“You’re better than that Michael” I tell myself sternly and quickly follow it with a paragraph where I choose to toss in engorged, breathless and arched in quick succession.
“No one needs that, the 50 shades phase has passed” I insist (though Mrs Michael did go to the cinema the other night to watch it) before attempting a scene where a white cotton shirt is ripped asunder exposing a smooth taut chest.
I had to do a spot of research on the matter and by the time I was done my description of the smoothness of the aforementioned chest was such that it made it sound like it was that of a child and I quickly deleted it because no one wants to read about children ripping anything asunder never mind nice cotton shirts.
My browser was also full of dark curly haired fellow looking wistfully into the distance whilst their shirts flapped in the wind.
At this point I am thinking I will give it one last go but I found myself overusing the letter ‘m’ in my ‘mmmmm’ and realised that I had no idea what I was doing, the female in the piece sounded like she had a really bad cold and that not only should I pack it in and go fill the dishwasher or empty the bins but I should delete all trace of the piece entirely just in case one of the kids stumbles upon it.
I really don’t know my vulva from my Volvo and I wouldn’t want tmy boys having to ask why nice Mrs Chambers from number 4 was having her Volvo examined by the postman. He’s a nice enough chap but not sure he knows much about cars.
A piece where I mention turkey wattle in an inappropriate way
As a balance to the inevitable avalanche of love and tenderness spewing into your WordPress feed this week I bring you these.
Old people loving
pendulous, gravity pulls…
think turkey wattle
Dirty dirty dirty
This week your WordPress feed with be filled with the theme of love, and through my limericks and haiku I will attempt to fill you with some of mine.
A comely barmaid from Mauritius
proclaimed “Semen is oh so delicious
and so good for my skin
and it keeps me quite thin
full of protein and very nutritious.”
photo courtesy of me
An attempt to defile love and the haiku form all at once
As a balance to the inevitable avalanche of love and tenderness spewing into your WordPress feed this week I bring you these.
Fingers tight ’round throat
playful, pushing back boundries
too far, cold dead flesh
Men…really.
This week your WordPress feed with be filled with the theme of love, and through my limericks and haiku I will attempt to fill you with some of mine.
Chap I know met a lass from Djibouti
Eyes like sapphires and lips red like rubies
said he so loved her mind
but quite adored her behind
and was rather obsessed with her boobies
photo courtesy of me
Chances are they will be inappropriate. In fact it is almost certain.
This week your WordPress feed with be filled with the theme of love, and through my limericks and haiku I will attempt to fill you with some of mine.
Loves young dream at the alter they stand
the wedding she wanted, quite grand
three hours later all tears
full of champagne and beers
bridesmaid caught with his knob in her hand
photo courtesy of me
An attempt to defile love and the haiku form all at once
As a balance to the inevitable avalanche of love and tenderness spewing into your WordPress feed this week I bring you these.
He watches and craves
from the shadows his love grows
restraining order
All things do not happen for a reason. They just happen.
Aah, those chipper people who always find something positive to say no matter what. You know them right, the “everything happens for a reason” crowd. Mostly I find that they say this because a world where terrible things happen just cannot surely reconcile with what they believe. Not sure that catching aids from a blood transfusion happens for a reason myself, and no there is surely no good reason that a kid gets molested or a suicide bomber blows up a bus.
All things don’t happen for a reason, that’s a load of bollocks. Terrible things happen, that’s just part of life. It isn’t part of some big plan so stop telling me it is because your belief system cannot explain how such terrible things can happen otherwise.
what a mess!
Whilst I don’t dress up I do love me a great Con, and there is a quite wonderful feeling when you’re surrounded by people just like you. There are round bellied bearded men as far as the eye can see and you cannot swing a Schrodinger’s cat without clobbering a bespectacled comic-based t-shirt wearing geek.
If you’ve never been to one you should go, because they really do embody the very best in people. There is a distinct lack of wankers, twats, dicks, racist, -phobes or utter prats.
what a mess!
Guess what I did today
what a mess!
Guess what I did today
Let’s lower the tone shall we…
The serious art of the haiku defiled with everyday shenanigans. Okay they’re senryu at best but ‘Screw you Senryu’ doesn’t work as well.
First time, loves young dream
She sends a note: I need you
He arrives early
By the light of the silvery moooooooon
Thanks to Michelle for the prompt
Darrell tossed and turned, his sleep filled with the sounds of ripping flesh and snapping bone. Heart racing and the metallic taste of blood in his mouth he called out but his cries were strangled by the thick darkness that surrounded him.
Fighting the frantic fear that consumed his mind, his blood coursed through his veins and burned like rivers of fire as he raised a hand to his face to see only claws and fur and blood.
“Nooo” he screamed sitting up in bed, his breathing heavy, sheets wet with sweat and a full moon streaming through the bedroom window.
Photo courtesy of pixabay
Sorry just seems to be the hardest word…
Thanks to Michelle for the prompt
Jonah stood at the door, knocked and waited. He knew it was the right thing to do, he needed to do it to make the voices to stop.
“Yes” said a dark haired man opening the door.
“I I wa-wa-wa-want t-t-to te-te-tell you …”
“Jesus mate, get it out already” the man snapped
The voices screamed in his head.
“I-I-It’s a-b-b-bout your w-w-w-wife.”
The man paused. “My wife was murdered” he said “what do you want?”
Jonah blinked.
“My god come on you f-f- freak” the man mocked.
“Screw it “ Jonah said pulling out a knife “You deserve each other…”
Photo courtesy of pixabay
You know that feeling when you just gotta have something to eat…
Thanks to Michelle for the prompt
Granville sat back, chemical pleasure coursing through his veins.
“Food” he thought grabbing a large bag of crisps pushing handfuls of day glow orange goodness into his mouth.
“Oh so good” he said as his mind did a triple somersault and the television turned into a Shetland pony. “Soooo good”.
Handful after handful he shovelled into his cavernous mouth until they were all gone, his fingers thick with their dust.
“Eat them” shouted the Shetland mounting a mermaid that had 5 minutes earlier been a coat rack.
“Then join us” she said winking.
Granville grinned, opened his mouth and bit down…
Photo courtesy of pixabay
Ever wonder where people get their inspiration?
Thanks to Michelle for the prompt
“Boss, you seen what Mary’s writing?”
“The ‘footprints’ woman?”
“Yeah her” Jonah continued “what did you do, this smells of you? Just leave them alone.”
“Look, I never asked to get stuck on this planet, and I certainly never asked to be anyone’s god” he snapped. “3000 years I’ve been here, it’s boring. Not once have head-office bothered to pop in and say ‘good job’ or read one of my reports.”
“What did you do?” Jonah pressed.
“Ok so I gave her the ‘I was carrying you ‘ dream.”
“Is that all?”
“…and gave her cancer.”
“Boss, you’re such a dick.”
Photo courtesy of pixabay
On Sundays I think I will on occasion re blog an early most which post of you will never have read.
For my darling wife and my beloved children.
I write this to you in a moment of clarity, which these days are sadly so very few. They tell me I do not recognise you any more and that your names are lost to me, my mind fragile and my memories faded. I write this with haste as I know not when the clarity will slip through my fingers.
Today, of all days, I remember you. I remember it all. A lifetime of memories too many to repeat and my heart swells with joy at the life I have lived. The face of my beloved wife on our wedding day, holding each of you in my arms and the laughter – such laughter – of a life well lived and so widely shared.
Each and every Christmas is as clear in my mind as the day I lived it first, I recall each first day at school, each scraped knee, each lost tooth and every candle blown out on each and every cake. I remember those special moments that I shared with each of you that I cherish while I can and that overwhelm me so suddenly that I am given to tears of joy.
To my beautiful children, the pride I felt as you grew and blossomed and built lives of your own fills me now as it did every day watching you. To my wife, my love, my friend , my everything you were my inspiration and my light and I would gladly give every day I have left for just one more walk with you arm in arm.
Do not remember me as I am but rather as I was, and I ask that you mourn not the loss but rather savour each moment we have lived and loved and laughed.
They tell me that you may be here later, it is my Birthday after all, though alas I fear by then I will be lost to you again. If that is so then I would have you know that I will love each of you always, and in my heart I remember you.
Dad
This is how it ends…
Thanks to Michelle for the prompt
“What I don’t get” said Zark, feelers twitching, “Is how they start quite pleasant and before you know it they’re quite reprehensible beastly slargvarbles.”
“Nature” said Ven entering coordinates into the navigation panel.
“Not nurture?” ventured Zark.
“Not a bleednorgs chance in snarbut” Ven answered, “there’s no way this species can be this awful without it being part of their very nature.”
“So that’s it?” asked Zark bringing up the targeting reticule. “They failed?”
“It seems so” said Ven quite matter of fact, “vaporise them and let’s go home.”
“Pity” Zark replied punching the incinerate button, “I did rather enjoyed probing them.”
Photo courtesy of pixabay
How to get ahead in life.
Thanks to Michelle for the prompt
Theo opened the jar labelled ‘Calcium Powder’ and added it the blender.
“They won’t laugh at me this time”, he told himself grinning.
His scrolled through his TOR browser, following the recipe. They promised to make him faster and stronger, and even though it had cost him all his savings it would be worth it.
The browser flashed. ‘Add optional Ingredient X now’.
Theo grinned, walked over to the freezer and pulled out the head of Mr Tanaka from next door, a retired mathematician.
“Nothing wrong with some extra smarts” he said to himself grinning as he cracked open the skull.
Photo courtesy of pixabay
Afterwards 