Body builder, Chad, Monday to Friday
when the weekend came, big busty Heidi
he’d perform cabaret
with his cock tucked away
and a back, sack and crack to stay tidy
Make Friday rhyme with Heidi, that’s how I speak.
Body builder, Chad, Monday to Friday
when the weekend came, big busty Heidi
he’d perform cabaret
with his cock tucked away
and a back, sack and crack to stay tidy
It’s something I guess
Once a fellow not great at biology
should have researched ‘fore attending proctology
Turned out quite the surprise
when doc said, open wide
for his cold hands, offered an apology
They do, they really do
How do I love thee
Doting, heart full of passion
reciprocated?
That’ll teach you to forget to floss!
Once a dentist with cravings malicious
found his knocked out patients quite delicious
he would then go to town
with his trousers pulled down
you’d come round, mouth stretched wide, unsuspicious
There’s no hurry according to my wife
Filled with yuletide joy
Sleighbells and snow balls delight
have patience perhaps
Just say no to drugs! Bit filthy this one…
Once a chap with a nasty sore back
took some weed for pain which lead to crack
now sells ass for a high
pay, he’ll milk you quite dry
for a tenner he’ll empty your sack
It’s not clever to have eight pints and a leftover turkey curry okay…
Excess indulgent
and without constraint consumes
loses all control
Just a quickie…but you know it’s coming soon don’t you.
Christmas looms very near on horizon
and the kids make their lists, things they’re prizin’
let the feeding begin
’till I grow a new chin
and my waist it increases in sizin’
Hallelujah!
Realisation
emerges, charade no more
looks fab in gold shorts
Screw you Monday
Once a chap with a loin stiffening craving
for large women with beards, he’d start raving
Hed explode with a splash
at a chick with a tash
hairy chins get him badly behaving
I hear you ask…
Youth’s ardour now quenched
Alas love’s sweet song now soured
cupid you wanker
And mostly just why the hell not
A young couple who’s love sadly soured
when he one night found himself devoured
he was drunk he insists
after penis and fists
found himself rather anally deflowered
Psst. Yeah you. Over here…
Once a POTUS most surely deranged
gropes your wife, says the climates not changed
migrant hordes on the way
they’ll be here any day
and that Clinton’s quite clearly to blame
Yes, baby Jesus does indeed hate your guts
Moist…plump…succulent
Juices flowing, steaming hot
a waste of turkey
And on a Thursday too…
Childish and purile
should know better at his age
plus he followed through
Nearly Friday people!
Once a man with quite bad diabetes
could not resist cake, chocs or sweeties
With abandon he’d feast
till his piss smelled like yeast
and he lost all the toes from his feeties
I have no idea if ones piss smells like yeast if one is diabetic I just rathee renjoyed the line…
But it does mention other beastly things
A young couple with dreams and such hope
Went to shit ‘cos of booze, sex and dope
He would drink, shit the bed
so she’d hump his mate Ted
and would pop round next door for a grope
I don’t really mean that can you tell?
Extra spicy please…
Flatulence just like fire
screams on the toilet
Now the kids have two mums! Bonus.
BFF and more
Husband no longer needed
so many plusses
Best I got today I’m afraid
Once a man, quite incredibly fat
rather lonely got himself a cat
but one day when it slept
he sat down, and then wept
as the poor little bugger went splat
Beware, beware as you fondle down there!
In the locker room
he learns and yearns, she declines
Not that kind of girl
Beware, beware as you fondle down there!
Alone he explores
lubricated penetrates
oops, where did it go
Let me count the ways.
Evil cross dressing grocer with candy
would lure kids to his van dressed as Mandy
Now he’s used by the felons
who adore his plump melons
and abuse him each night, ain’t that dandy
In your face haiku!
Complacent lovers
Just going through the motions
minds wander elsewhere
Mmmm delish!
On a health kick this bloke from Mauritius
drank his own sperm, claimed it was nutritious
and so good for his skin
and it kept him quite thin
milked himself three times daily, delicious