Category: Poems

F

Well that went downhill very f’ing fast…

I neither give one nor possess enough

to spare a flying kind

You’re entitled to not give one back

Or put one up your large behind…

F You, me, they, them, thems, hes and shes

F this and that, your dog and cat

horse you rode in on, and also that

for a game of marbles if you please…

So off you go, and F yourself

And while you’re there F someone else

Your mum, your dad, your neighbours kids

and do confess to what you did

For in the joy of F’s release

will you find sweet sweet f’ing peace

E

No thinking, just see what vomits forth!

He heads down to the water, deep swells and stormy skies

Spill and swirl across lifes pages

His dark Aphrodite, his goddess of the ages

Her passion and bliss the mirror to his lies

.

She beckons, sweetest of voice cuts through the storm

And how he yearns for the sea in that hour

To sink beneath the waves, to feel loves power

As cavalcades of white wave top riders herald brightest dawn

.

Zephyrus dries her, stars reflected in the ocean of her eyes

And all things fade away and into bliss theyre lifted

Tears dried, they surrender to the now and forever they’ve been gifted

And shine like brightest constellation of the skies

d

D is for stuff, right?

Give me the D, or is it he that surely D deserves

And surely something so profound needs more to calm the nerves

For D , you see, can be what he, or she or we desire

While we presume for our own good

this D would give what a bee should

in sweetness, sticky and sublime

I fight to keep this D of mine

And stake a claim and over time

will learn to be the he who sees the D

and thinks, perhaps it’s not for me

and O-M-G feel free to see that we can be

A he, him, she without the need forD and what might be

C

More words. Going to be a month of words. Wordy words…

These are the days that we remember

When thoughts like fog drift into night

Still clear, like endless summer skies

Amid confusion, doubts and lies

Without a doubt, still bold, they shine so very clear and bright

…

We are the memories they see, when at the very end

The final thoughts, the sweetest times

Unmarked by ticking time or tide

The hearts that beat where lovers hide

Kept safe in song and word and rhyme

….

Here in this place we will be seen

And felt where longing is fulfilled

By force of will if all else fails

For love abides and hopoe prevails

For hearts at closing of the day find peace in love, strong willed

And there we see who we could surely be

B

To be, or not

And in that lot not once to wonder what

And why and just wherefore. So stop

To breathe and in the presence of the past

Then look upon the days we thought would last

But voices once so loud not start to drop

And thoughts they turn to who, not why, nor when

We are, we were, we could have been, and then

We climb and conquer, proudly stand atop

And there we see who we could surely be

A

Been a while since I waffled…

I held A moment in my hands and held it to the light

And rolled it through my fingers, mix of shades of dark and light

Then, scrutinised and sanitised

And pulled and picked apart

Drained it of emotion, felt its fading, beating heart

.

I found A moment in the dark and hid it from the sun

Swore to keep it safe and secret and to show it to no one

But it slipped through clutching fingers

And I lost it, gone from sight

The promise of enlightenment, neglected in the night

.

I took A moment for myself and promised to take stock

To count the toll of carelessness, and return to my rock

of things I love and those I know

Which shelter from the storms

And heart and hearth burn brightly, and the fires that keep me warm

AI is here. Get used to it.

So, can AI write your blog content?

There is a lot of talk right now of AI, CHAT GPT, and other Large Language AI’s…and oh lordy is it going to be an interesting ride. I, for one, am looking forward to serving our Robot Overlords, though some are more concerned over just what may transpire.

If you haven’t read much about it, then I urge you to get out there and explore it.

Anyway, I thought I would see just how good CHAT GPT would be at generating blog content. So, first, I told it to do me a limerick involving a llama, in pyjamas, and an amorous farmer. Something I had posted about the previous day.

The AI wrote:

There once was a farmer named Fred,

Who loved his llama more than his bed,

He dressed it in pyjamas,

And sang it sweet ballads,

And that’s how he spent his days instead.

I think my limericks are safe for now. Then I asked it to write a poem about love.

Here’s a poem about love:

Love is a feeling that’s hard to describe, It’s like a warm hug that you can’t hide, It’s the way your heart beats when you’re near, And the way your eyes light up with cheer.

Love is the sun on a cloudy day, It’s the rainbow after the rain goes away, It’s the laughter that fills up the room, And the way your heart feels when it starts to bloom.

Love is the feeling that makes life worth living, It’s the joy that comes from giving and giving, It’s the way your soul sings when you’re in love, And the way your heart soars like a dove.

I hope you enjoyed it! 😊

Then I asked it for a 200-word story about a man who finds a vampire living in his barn:

John had always known that there was something strange about the old barn on his property. But he never could have guessed what he would find inside.

One day, while doing some repairs, John stumbled upon a hidden room in the barn. Inside, he found a coffin and a man sleeping inside it. At first, John thought the man was dead, but then he saw his chest rise and fall.

The man woke up and introduced himself as Vlad. He explained that he was a vampire who had been living in the barn for centuries. John was shocked but also fascinated by Vlad’s story.

Over time, John and Vlad became friends. Vlad taught John about the history of vampires and how to protect himself from them. In return, John helped Vlad adjust to modern life.

Eventually, Vlad decided it was time to move on. He thanked John for his friendship and disappeared into the night.

John never forgot about Vlad and often wondered where he had gone. But he was grateful for the experience and knew that he would never forget the time he spent with the vampire in his barn.

Okay, so not amazing but interesting, right? Not wholly awful. And then I got it to do something I think it did brilliantly.

I asked it to do a review of a pizza I had the night before, and then focus on the sourdough base ith a positive slant, and then describe a fictitious new york restaraunbt. It dod all of this in about 5 seconds…

The combination of anchovies, olives, and blue cheese may not be for everyone, but for those who enjoy these toppings, this pizza is a real treat.

The salty flavor of the anchovies pairs perfectly with the tangy blue cheese and the briny olives. The crust is crispy and chewy, providing the perfect base for the toppings.

Overall, this pizza is a great choice for those who are looking for something a little different. It’s not your typical pepperoni pizza, but it’s definitely worth trying if you’re feeling adventurous.

The sourdough pizza base was absolutely delicious. It had the perfect balance of chewiness and crispiness, with a tangy flavor that complemented the toppings perfectly.

The crust was thin and crispy, with just the right amount of char around the edges. The sourdough flavor was subtle but definitely noticeable, adding an extra layer of complexity to the pizza.

Overall, I would highly recommend this pizza to anyone who loves sourdough bread or is looking for something a little different from their usual pizza. It’s definitely worth trying!

This pizzeria is an absolute gem! The small tables with chequered tablecloths give it a cozy and welcoming atmosphere that is perfect for a night out with friends or family.

The staff are incredibly friendly and attentive, making sure that you have everything you need to enjoy your meal. They are always happy to make recommendations and answer any questions you may have.

The pizza itself is absolutely delicious. The crust is crispy and chewy, with just the right amount of char around the edges. The sauce is tangy and flavorful, and the toppings are always fresh and delicious.

Overall, I would highly recommend this pizzeria to anyone who loves great food and great service. It’s definitely worth checking out if you’re in the area!

AND THEN I ASKED IT FOR A HAIKU ABOUT LEAVES

Leaves fall gently down,
Dancing in the summer breeze,
Nature’s poetry.

I have no idea where this all ends, but it is happening, and it is happening very fast. Get used to it. Understand it. It is going to change everything…

Oh and I havent even got into its ability to generate images – but it does that too. The image for this prompt was generated to a description I gave Dal-E. Lord alone knows what this means for art and artists…

On the matter of eating endangered species

ONE FROM THE ARCHIVES

I would not eat a panda

it does not appeal to me

Despite it being grass fed

and not tough and quite juicy

It’s flesh I would not sauté

bake or broil or steam or fry

I would not make some pastry

and then bake it in a pie

Please do not serve me blue whale

it would surely be obscene

To brown it in a skillet

with chopped garlic and some cream

I could not sample blow hole

or a steak of flesh most pink

Do not prepare me sperm whale

or an orca or a mink

Bald Eagle’s off the menu

it could never pass my lips

I’d never shallow fry it

And then serve it with some chips

Please do not bring it to me

if you do I will reject

The smorgasbord of tasty

claws and wings and beaks and necks

Be gone you furry entrée

do not ask me to abide

A puppy stuffed with kitten

and Koala on the side

It leaves me feeling queasy

and on me it does repeat

I gag on eucalyptus

flavoured mar-su-pi-al meat

I’d never eat a chilli

made of simians for sure

Orang-utan with lentils

that I surely would deplore

I’d not enjoy chim-pan-zee

milk poached with fresh vanilla

I’d rather eat a salad

than bar-be-cued gorilla

But pig and cow I’ll gorge on

and chickens fill the belly

Once eels I even sampled

But the hot ones not in jelly

So why’s each species different

some not headed for the pot

whilst others we eat freely

quite delicious cold or hot

——————————————————–

Fancy something else?
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

Oh those yummy dirty bits

mmmmmmmeaty goodness

There are those who will dine

on fine foods and great wine

and who want just the finest of treats

But not me, no, no way

I’m quite proud when I say

Im a fan of the less refined meats

 

Give me Pies filled with heart

though it does make me fart

give me puddings of tripe, brains and balls

though it makes me quite gassy

I can still keep it classy

and with gravy for sure eat it all

 

Give me chicken arse flan

I’m not bothered with ham

give me dishes pile high with pig scrotum

I’ve this recipe for stew

with the balls of gnu

and some others, so good,  ‘cos I wrote ’em

 

Oh I cannot resist

the dark meats on my list

how i crave juicy brains, spine and liver

feed me pies filled with wings

of all high flying things

lick my lips in delight how I shiver

 

Dont cast doubt or dispute

nature’s leftover fruit

say ‘perhaps’ if your offered intestines

you might just take delight

at each savoury bite

as you wash it down with rich red house wines

 

If youre craving dirty limericks

Not mentioned this for a while…

You can read about the WHY here…but it’s out there. 300 of my finest limericks. Currently trending at number 359 in the limericks category on Amazon!
After a few people have read it I am probably about ready to admit I am kinda proud of it now. 🙂

Paperback in the UK is here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011
And in the US here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011
There are ebook versions too.

One more day

words…

At Days close he waits content

to say goodbye and drift to night

and in those moments years rolled back

warm smiles and joy and eyes shine bright

Her warm embrace and tender kiss

and babies cries and laughter sweet

when blankets laid across his knees

worn eyes do close and visions greet

First words, first steps, first dates first kiss

long days dark nights but then

he sees her face and hears her voice

and love’s restored again

And as he slips to dark and rest

a life well lived he sees

of family, love and heart and hearth

life passing like the breeze

And in that moment vivid, clear

old lips whisper and say

each day a treasure I received

farewell, on this last day

Screw you haiku…

The haiku, so proud, tight, formal. So little saying so much. Mostly though I like to defile them…

Left his phone unlocked

Wife browses the internet

Sweating profusely

Waves crash like thunder

grey skies, cold waters, time flies

Makes me need a wee

Red dress and pale skin

Heads turn, hearts race, open mouthed

Wardrobe malfunction

Cold blue winter skies

Crisp snow covers city streets

Dead hobo doorway

Forever Loving

Hearts xxx

What once were endless summer days, and tender nights not counted

Sweetest whispers, love unbridled, days drift by embraced

And 69 more ways your soft pink flesh was nightly mounted

And your skin glowed with the blush of love’s seed spilled upon your face

The heart quickened, loins wet, thickened, hair pulled, lost souls intertwined

Gimp mask, red room, 12 inch pseudo love meat, I am yours and you are mine.

So spent, we lay in sheets soiled with the remnants of our love

we fit like trains into a tunnel, like large hand into small glove

And when no lube can dampen, when blue pills can not revive

Will we shuffle from this mortal coil, our passions still alive

Somewhere far beyond these night time stars that we once watched together,

Shall our memories drift slowly into inky black forever

________________________

Oh come on, it’s saturday, why not do something a little different.

The first 2 lines and the last two are kind of sweet I think.

Happy weekend you cheeky monkeys!

Stars

Words and more words

I made for you a garden

From the stars I stole from cloudless skies

And deep within earth’s warm embrace

Sprung forth as tears streamed down your face

And quiet you sat in this place

And waited patiently

Each passing day under the skies

With hope, new shoots turned into bloom

And brightly shine when sunset falls

Until the light like beacon calls

These shards of nightfall, heart enthrals

From shadows setting free

And with the seasons turning, living

Pass full circle, gold to green

Hearts warmed by light unwavering

And beauty bright, sweet savouring

Sweet tears of heaven favouring

Forever comforts thee

Oh I would not eat a vegan

Just a little something before bed…

Kinda inspired by this if you’ve never read it. I think its one of my best…I even did an audio version.

There are things that pass my lips that I so willingly enjoy

A baby cow, a deer, some sheep, to them utensils I deploy

Fried , roasted, dipped in fondue cheese my preferences are wide

I know they’re cute on the outside, but I so crave the meat inside

Loin, flank, short rib, grass fed, food bid, to stop my clothes from spoiling

Oh whip me up wild roaming fowl, salted, spiced post boiling

These things I lust, my lips do quiver in anticipation

I realise it leaves some folk in the most sternest consternation

But they are safe, so rest assured, my menu rightly lacks their cut

For far too lean and scrawny I do find them, they don’t satisfy my gut

And even though you add some veg, add onions or some aubergine in

No thanks, fear not, I’ll have a salad, for I could never eat a vegan

Men!

meh…it will do…

A lass angry and jilted from Reading

Burst in and interrupted a wedding

Said “Last night this here groom

Took me back to his room”

So the brides brothers kicked the chaps head in