Category: limericks

Sometimes all you need is a limerick.

Well I say that but sometimes you need a lawyer. or penicillin.

Once a chap with some erectile woes

Bad sleep walker as well, as it goes

One night took Viagra pill

down the stairs he did spill

Broke his shoulder, his cock and three toes

 

 

Aah Monday…

As the seasons begin to change you might find yourself in need of a get well soon limerick. Well you might. Maybe.

Oh poor thing heard you snuffling and sneezing

and your chest sounds quite tight and you’re wheezing

so stop smoking, you dick

I don’t care that you’re sick

and not smelling you would be quite pleasing

 

Well okay that was rather rude wasn’t it.  As an ex smoker I do still miss a cigarette from time to time, especially in the winter.  Oddly less so in the summer.  I enjoyed vaping for some time too but eventually got bored of the whole lot and packed it in.  I do miss all the smoke breaks I used to take at work…

 

 

Haiku for you

Aah welcome weekend indeed

Selective smelling

father claims did not realise

baby leaking shit

aaaaaaaaaaaaastink

Aah this takes me back to those selective moments when we first had kids. She would apparently not hear the middle of the night crying and I in turn would seldom realise that a nappy had just been filled. Must have been her motherly super senses I reckon that she just noticed first.

Haiku Tuesday !

The one where the fat bloke danced naked and made another man feel rather unwell.

Exhibitionist

and a great lover of pies

vomit inducing

 

aaaaastick

I think perhaps the picture came first well before the haiku.  I don’t know why I chose to draw that, perhaps it is some sort of repressed angst.  Maybe I just find the idea funny.  Maybe I just happened to draw a fat bloke with a big set of balls and a curiously positioned penis.  I don’t know.  I do know that it made that other fellow decidedly queasy to the point of throwing up.

Probably a true story.

 

Seems to be Wednesday suddenly. Well I never.

Better do a limerick then hadn’t I.

A poor chap with a weak constitution

spent much time on his daily ablutions

he would wipe, scrub and clean

’till his bottom did gleam

and was free from unsightly pollutions

 

 

 

 

 

Haiku Tuesday !

Which is mostly the same as all the other days of the week to be honest.

I have a list you know

and crave the apocolypse

I know who I’d eat

Ooh that was a bit dark wasn’t it. Okay so I wouldn’t go eating people willy nilly this is worse case scenario you know. All the tinned goods would need to be gone and I would probably have even eating some of the dry cat food and the stuff at the back of the cupboard that is well past it’s use by date. Not the wet cat food though – god no thanks I would rather munch on one of the neighbours before I eat that. Makes me gag at the thought.

Anyway, I’m sure it won’t come to that…

Don’t think that’s in the bible…

This was before the internet probably. Or maybe his dad is just old school.

A quite pleasant young Christian Chap Quincy

found a mag ‘neath his dad’s bed one day he

read from cover to cover

oh the things he’d discover

Now cant stop craving boobs ever since see