Where once we lay
Do your think of me those days
Where dark thoughts senses suffocate
That joy I watched drain from your face
As life and lies cruel whispers told
Fools promises and could have beens
I could not keep them from your door
Arms wide you beckoned them inside
Smiles melancholy, sickly sweet
Coarse noose of lies, soft velvet hopes
Blinded, stumbling, on and on
And to this end inevitable
But now alone where once we lay
Nasty nasty nasty
Handsome chap who could not afford rent
Hired his bottom out ’till it was spent
He was battered and bruised
prolapsed sphincter quite used
Lost his home still, now lives in a tent.
Yeah sorry. Really.
Amazonian lass with a fetish
Would see dwarfs and become rather wettish
Pygmies gave such delight
Kept her moist through the night
Watching ‘Wizard of Oz’ left her peckish.
To help you through the day…
A sensual baker, filth thinker
She would quite often play with her sphincter.
But could not sell her cakes
‘cos suspicious brown flakes
and the smell, frankly none’s more distincter.
Cavernous!
Once a fellow woke up scared n screamin’
as he thought that he’d ran out of semen
with a groan and a thrust
just a moan and some dust
double checked, such relief, only dreamin’
Cavernous!
“Check your prostate” my friend’s wife insisted
so he went pants, dropped face red and twisted
he enjoyed it so much
and went home and begged such
that each night he’s oiled up, roughly fisted
A quickie for you if you’re in the mood…
A buxom young barwench or olde
had a knack of securing men’s gold.
Of her assets quite proud
she’d stand out in a crowd
end even more so when it’s cold.
Actually, it’s just gone Monday…
I am finally getting around to putting my limericks into a book. Or some at least. There are about 600 on here so I have plenty to choose from. I think I will call the book “Inappropriate”.
It’s funny going through them because mostly I do not remember them at all…Here are a few I did that I think tell you where I am heading with this.
African crisis I never
have seen such despair, no not ever.
Drought, pain, loss, civil war,
HIV, death and more.
But hey, least they’ve got lovely weather.
I fellow I know, a romancer.
Lovely wife, healthy kids and great dancer.
Had it all so he thought
but it all came to nought
when he died really young of bowel cancer.
A fellow joined up and no doubt
A true patriot so he shipped out.
Lost his legs to a mine,
had some made now he’s fine,
and he always gets parked when he’s out
Actually, it’s just gone Monday…
Once a hairy young lady called Betty
When aroused became musty and sweaty
she’d be down on all fours
as it oozed from her pores
wet and matted, hair hung like spaghetti
Happy Saturday!
Once a crossdressing builder from Dorset
loved to squeeze himself into a corset
he would tape up his bits
wear a fake pair of tits
but still build you a wall, fix a fawcet
Not that I’d mind particularly
A hirsuite young woman called mary
dark thick armits of hair, rather scary
curly thick and full bush
and my goodness her toosh
hair as thick and as long as a prairie
Rather rude and inappropriate.
An adventurous fellow each friday
would eat cock, twas his sexual bi-day
through the rest of the week
mostly pussy he’d seek
though each wednesday was anus cream pie day
Before you say anything…It’s Thursday where I am.
A philandering chap from Belize
would bed women with greatest of ease
unprotected, no fear
now he has gonporrhoea
and it burns just like fire when he pees
Count your blessings!
Once a fellow, most poor, from Calcutta
ate his meals from the bins and the gutter
closed his eyes, fantasised
as ate leftover pies
vindaloo, mouldy bread, maggot butter
To help you through the day…
Once a woman from Abergavenny
took two lovers. Or four. Well so many.
that she simply lost count
of the chaps she would mount
just not choosy she’d take mostly any
And with a religious theme
Once a fellow most holy and pious
who’s wife like a desert was dry as
till she found masturbation
with the male congregation
For the larger of girth, had a bias
It’s better than a punch in the tit I guess…Just about.
Once a chap, a big fan of fake boobs
fake vaginas, dildos and fruit lubes
would stay home every night
enjoy solo delight
placing things inside all of his tubes
Just like limerick Tuesday really. Just with added scrotum.
A quite well endowed fellow from Bude
loved to wander his house in the nude
‘cross the way were appalled
at his huge cock and balls
which he swung in a fashion most lewd
I’ve been all around the world and today I stood back where it all started.
I have lived in many places, both north and south of the equator but in the beginning there was Hull. I left when I was 9 but there is something about the place that resonates with me still and despite the many roads that took me away from the place there is still part of me that thinks of it as home. Perhaps it is because it fills my very earliest memories and names and places that I should have forgotten remain with me still. Maybe it is because the accents and turns of phrase hold for me a comfort and familiarity which I cannot describe but that make me feel part of something in many ways long forgotten.
Whatever it is I always enjoy the occasions when I get to go back. Today was one of those days when I got to met up with family on my Mum’s side to celebrate my cousin’s son’s 21st. My mum is one of 8 and at last count there were at least 48 of us on that side of the family so there are always reunions to be had even if we don’t always remember each others names.
Whilst the day itself was great it was the detour on the way home that I enjoyed most. I decided to go and take a look at the house I grew up in as I had heard that the estate is now mostly derelict and scheduled for demolition. Sadly it is and the photo below shows the house now. It is only the left hand side of it.
So many great memories came flooding back and as sad as it is times change and things move on and whilst it was a quite wonderful place in the late seventies it’s days are now sadly numbered. I remembered old Stan from across the street who we would taunt with songs of ‘Stan stan the mucky old man washed his face in a frying pan.’ God kids are bastards. Stood outside I could still hear the sounds of kids laughing on a late summer evening and playing ‘Kerby’ as cars passed us by. With a smile I remembered painting the electricity box with oil paints and my dad being so angry and I could still see snow falling through the amber lights in winter. I also remember where I was when I was told that a friend of ours had died that day.
Such a mix of emotions and memories but it was not all sad though, and in fact it turned out to be a pretty amazing trip when we saw what had been done to a number of the properties in the area. Keep in mind that there are probably a few hundred of these places being demolished and though the memories and lives that have been lived will remain eventually there will be nothing left of themso to see what some amazing graffiti artists did to lift the place was just fantastic.
I think the photos say it all.
The homes will be gone in 6 months and will be replaced with new builds and the hope was that there would be less chance of people vandalising them if they were decorated. The more things change the more they stay the same I guess as eventually new families will move in and the cycle starts again.
If music were a woman then I think perhaps she would be my dirty secret rather than my soul mate.
Mel, who you can and should read, posted a piece earlier today which you can read here. Mel has a load of posts, and I would recommend reading all about Charlie in particular. Most enjoyable indeed.
Anyway, it got me to thinking about my own relationship with music. I say relationship, but to be honest it is more a series of dirty one night stands than something more meaningful and long term. I doubt very much that music and I will be slipping off for a romantic weekend to a little cabin somewhere to celebrate a lifetime of loyal partnership though there may well be the chance of a dirty romp in the back of the car.
Ask me who I love and I will tell you that I adore Prince and would happily let him touch me inappropriately (were he not dead – something that still upsets me terribly). I would also insist that I love all things eighties, that I have a thing for rather loud and nasty metal and own most of Bob Dylan’s early works on Vinyl. I also had an awkward jazz phase (and have the Dave Brubeck red vinyls to prove it), a pop stage and a particularly filthy long weekend where I was into rap music but that just made me a bit sweary and it turns out that there is no appropriate time for a fat middle aged programmer to be using the ‘N’ word. No matter how fly or dope his tunes.
There isn’t much I haven’t tried but mostly I seem to resort back to the music I loved when I was in my teens in the eighties. And Volbeat. I heard Volbeat for the first time about 5 years ago and since then have fallen very much in love with their rockabilly metal. I’ve even seen them in concert a couple of times and took my kids to see them. Our Tom loves them especially, and he is only 9.
I then realised that technology has played a big part in my on off romance with music, particularly in recent years. The music varies slightly but how and when I listen to it has been hugely influenced by the way I access it. For many years I had the same old stack of CD’s and cassettes and things did not vary much at all. Perhaps that was to do with having a young family and trying to work on my career. Probably. But as the years have progressed and I have found more time I have dipped in and out of music and most often as I have discovered new technology.
I dabbled with peer-to-peer sharing for a while and found myself stealing all manner of music I had never really listened to but that did not last long as I also stole some pirated films and a particular copy of the Lord of the Rings ended up being a virus so I packed that in pretty quickly.
iTunes then made me super horny for all the music I had forgotten from the eighties and nineties (and sometimes later), and for a long time I amassed a ton of stuff that I hadn’t really appreciated at the time and enjoyed it a lot more as I got older. I ended up with everything Hootie and the Blowfish had done which when I look back was just a bit weird. They were okay but I’m not sure I needed their entire collection.
Spotify and Deezer followed and that was quite fabulous and I had a nifty little speaker I would plug my phone into as I browsed endlessly but I would always end up coming back to the things from my youth. I will admit to having a real thing for Lynyrd Skynyrd and The Band which I picked up from my dad.
Sonos speakers followed and I put them through out the house and again these gave me a new lease of life and it was not long before I was treating my neighbours to hours and hours of Erasure and the Pet ship boys.
Recently my listening time has increased again on the back of picking up a couple of Amazon Alexas which I have hooked into my Sonos speakers and Spotify and Amazon music accounts and between me and the boys there is often sometime playing in multiple rooms throughout the house.
Funny how it goes though because the kids are mostly into eighties music and volbeat…I do wonder what will be next.
100 word Wednesday – The Chase
Topical, insightful an getting to the heart of the subjects that really matter
If you’ve read any of me then you may well know I like to dabble in inappropriate haiku and limericks. I know some of the subject matter is a little awkward but work with me…now and then I stumble upon one that’s actually quite good.
Michael
A few limericks to start…
Kim-Jun and Donald so hot
For each other though they insist not
But I reckon they would
If only they could
Not get caught making love high on pot
Single dad collects guns for a hobby
Had a son known as Bob, Rob or Robbie
But alas now he’s dead
Fatal shot to the head
From a gun he found primed in the lobby
Poverty, nukes, death and drought
Why leave home, I am not going out
At TV I sit glaring
but I’m really past caring
Time for curry in bed with a stout
African crisis I never
have seen such despair no not ever
Drought, pain loss, Civil War
HIV, death and more
But hey, least they’ve got lovely weather
And a few haiku for good measure…
Eighteen convicted
North East children now safer
Pretty prison mouths
Head down crossed the road
He never saw it coming
Bus grill needs cleaning
Photo courtesy of pixabay
Afterwards 