Tag: humour

A buxom young barwench or olde

had a knack of securing men’s gold.

Of her assets quite proud

she’d stand out in a crowd

end even more so when it’s cold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am finally getting around to putting my limericks into a book. Or some at least.  There are about 600 on here so I have plenty to choose from.  I think I will call the book “Inappropriate”.

It’s funny going through them because mostly I do not remember them at all…Here are a few I did that I think tell you where I am heading with this.

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African crisis I never
have seen such despair, no not ever.
Drought, pain, loss, civil war,
HIV, death and more.
But hey, least they’ve got lovely weather.

 

I fellow I know, a romancer.

Lovely wife, healthy kids and great dancer.

Had it all so he thought

but it all came to nought

when he died really young of bowel cancer.

 

 

A fellow joined up and no doubt

A true patriot so he shipped out.

Lost his legs to a mine,

had some made now he’s fine,

and he always gets parked when he’s out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once a hairy young lady called Betty

When aroused became musty and sweaty

she’d be down on all fours

as it oozed from her pores

wet and matted, hair hung like spaghetti

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once a crossdressing builder from Dorset

loved to squeeze himself into a corset

he would tape up his bits

wear a fake pair of tits

but still build you a wall, fix a fawcet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A hirsuite young woman called mary

dark thick armits of hair, rather scary

curly thick and full bush

and my goodness her toosh

hair as thick and as long as a prairie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An adventurous fellow each friday

would eat cock, twas his sexual bi-day

through the rest of the week

mostly pussy he’d seek

though each wednesday was anus cream pie day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A philandering chap from Belize

would bed women with greatest of ease

unprotected, no fear

now he has gonporrhoea

and it burns just like fire when he pees

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once a fellow, most poor, from Calcutta

ate his meals from the bins and the gutter

closed his eyes, fantasised

as ate leftover pies

vindaloo, mouldy bread, maggot butter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once a woman from Abergavenny

took two lovers.  Or four.  Well so many.

that she simply lost count

of the chaps she would mount

just not choosy she’d take mostly any

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once a fellow most holy and pious

who’s wife like a desert was dry as

till she found masturbation

with the male congregation

For the larger of girth, had a bias

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once a chap, a big fan of fake boobs

fake vaginas, dildos and fruit lubes

would stay home every night

enjoy solo delight

placing things inside all of his tubes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A quite well endowed fellow from Bude

loved to wander his house in the nude

‘cross the way were appalled

at his huge cock and balls

which he swung in a fashion most lewd