limerick – Page 3 – Afterwards

Limerick time yet again

One about men who like sexy shorts

A lycra fanatic from Hull
Would go cycling, but found it quite dull
Not a big fan of sports
But he so loved the shorts
Which he packed quite eye wateringly full

Another limerick because why not…

Gotta look your best when you’re out killing people

Once a Tailor, and serial killer
Found pale soft skin quite the thriller
They would scream, how it hurts
As he turned them to shirts
And smart trousers, that he’d wear to dinner

A nasty limerick of course…

Wash you bloody hands

Once a vet with unhygienic habits

Fondled gerbils and squirrels and rabbits

She got pink eye, and worse

Traumatised a poor nurse

As her bottom it writhed with fat maggots

A Get Well Soon Limerick…

ouchy

Hope this finds you somewhat on the mend

Hear it’s swollen quite close to the end

Feels like it may fall off

If you move fast or cough

And you near shit your pants when you bend

Limerick. Oh Don’t act surprised.

Explosive stuff

Friend of mine met this lass, not realising

That her bum was quite uncompromising

During candle lit sex

Massive fart, and then next

thing her sphincter’s on fire, unsurprising

A love limerick

We all know the type, eh…

Once a fellow quite fond of romance

took a buxom young girl to a dance

he was charming and sweet

swept her right off her feet

all a plan to get into her pants

photo courtesy of me

A Limerick.

You do you, Brenda

A broad shouldered lady called Brenda
Big old hands, hairy arms, legs quite slender
Wispy beard and top lip
Quite full breast, curvy hip
Size 12 feet, up to her as to gender

Get well soon…Limerick Time.

Hallmark-esque

Heard you’re sick, quite unwell, chesty wheeze

Get well soon and stay hydrated, please

Hope you’re soon on the mend

It’s quite gross, can’t pretend

As your bum still explodes when you sneeze

More can you spot the film, Limericks?

Last of these I promise…

A witch called Hermione, when drunk

Would go mad for a wand wielding hunk

Dragons got her real hot

Hippogriffs ripe to trot

She’d go wild for a werewolf’s big trunk

Can you spot the film, Limericks?

There once was a wizard called…

A dirty gameskeeper called Rubious
When alone would do things, some deemed dubious
He’d profess, “It’s not weird,
Now come straddle my beard.”
He’d scream loud and explode like Vesuvious

Limericky Dicky

Gluten most tolerant

A hot blooded young baker called Dicky

had a thing for hot bread and so quick he

would fondle baguette

blush and stammer and sweat

and his fingers would end up quite sticky

A limerick. For no real reason.

Toasty warm

Once a vet, quite the lover of rats,

mice and gerbils, but not fond of cats

Made a fine pair of mittens

from some cute persian kittens

and a tabby he made into hats

STD Limerick?

That will need antibiotics I imagine.

There once hailed a young man from Dublin

saw the doctor who said “It’s quite troubling,

that it’s looking most queer

could be syphilis I fear

as it’s covered in puss and is bubbling.”

Get well soon x

Feeling under the weather?

Heard you’re under the weather and wheezy

and your bottom is really quite breezy

and you’re head’s thick and snotty.

and your breath’s pretty grotty.

lots of fluids and rest, take it easy

V

You have something in your teeth

A hirsute air hostess called Violet

Takes to bed a quite well to do pilot

Orsl sex? He says “No!

The wild bush has to go

Or at least you could maybe try style it”

Hey, look, yet another limerick…

The heart wants what the heart wants

Once a vicar with darkest of cravings

Spent church money on dark misbehaving

Bought crack, liquor, and whores

And rent boys by the scores

Who he claimed he’d intended on saving

If youre craving dirty limericks

Not mentioned this for a while…

You can read about the WHY here…but it’s out there. 300 of my finest limericks. Currently trending at number 359 in the limericks category on Amazon!
After a few people have read it I am probably about ready to admit I am kinda proud of it now. 🙂

Paperback in the UK is here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916089011
And in the US here
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1916089011
There are ebook versions too.