Another day another limerick.
On losing one’s faith.
A handsome poor priest name of Chad
Found that boobies they made him most glad
So he gave up the life
Found a super hot wife
With big lips, curvy hips and rich dad
Tomorrow…something about Pork…
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Image courtesy of me
Another day another limerick.
It was suggested I do some saccharin sweet limericks…Ill give it a try I guess. Feels a bit weird to be honest.
To my children
Each morning I look at your smiles
even though you both put us through trials
how your mother she bore you
I simply adore you
so does mum though you did give her piles
that could be a hallmark moment!
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Another day another limerick.
A jolly fat bellied chap , Nick
Christmas Eve of the children got sick
so he went to the pub
had some drinks and some grub
cancelled Christmas next day, what a dick
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Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A hillbilly chap, quite obese
one day coverered his sister in grease
from her toes to her head
then he took her to bed
she gave birth to his daughter and niece
maybe another incest based limerick because they fun
I once went to school with a lad
who had a quite young looking dad
turned out his mums lover
was his hot older brother
that’s just wrong, quite disturbing and mad
Anyway, have a good Saturday, not going to be writing much else today got a lot to do…
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Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A sturdy young chap, Roger black
Hard liquor each night he knocked back
Young vibrant and bold
But then he got old
Now he’s fat and addicted to crack
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Another day another limerick.
A limerick, at lunchtime. The clue’s in the title really…
A cuddly bus driver from cleaves
was beset by a posse of thieves
stole his clothes, bus and phone
left him stranded alone
and his modesty covered by leaves
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Another day another limerick.
A skinny young postman called pat
Who could eat but could never get fat
Pies and cakes, buns and sweets,
vegetables, breads and meats
Had a tapeworm you see, fancy that
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Another day another limerick.
Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so.
A chubby young fellow called Giles
Got a rather bad case of the piles
Doc said “Don’t be so glum –
pop this cream in your bum,
’till they’re gone just sit carefully and smile
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Another day another limerick.
Been a bit busy of late so best I can muster is …another lunch time limerick. Proof that the limerick form can make sad things less so.
Lovely fellow was left at the alter
loved her still So he just would not fault her
She ran off with her lover
then got aids from another
and then died late last year in Gibralter
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Another day another limerick.
Another day another lunch time limerick.
She’s quite gender fluid my gran
so this week she’s being a man
she looks ever so weird
with her moustache and beard
insisting we call her nan Stan
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Another day another limerick.
Another day another lunch time limerick.
A cheeky young lass from Djabouti
buxom, curvaceous, such beauty
she was caught in the park
with a ginger lad, mark
who brought sausage and whipped cream, so fruity!
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Another day another limerick.
Another day another limerick. True story and so sad but see how the limerick form makes it just a little less sombre…
A chap’s lovely young bride named Jane
had a tumor alas in her brain
she died, you can tell
he’d insured her quite well
bought a quite lovely villa in Spain
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Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.
What shall we look at today…hmmm
A church going chap who loved learning
one day felt a rather strong yearning
he’d enjoyed fifty shades
now feels wholly depraved
and wakes up every day with loins burning
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Looks like lunch time limerick has become a thing…sorry.
Yes, it is that time again…
A virginal groom of low worth
just 5 inches, got married in Perth
wedding night, all revealed
with delight his bride sqeualed
was not length that he’d measured but girth
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To enjoy with your lunch…
Jerome, a young fellow from Brugge
Had a passion for bobsleigh and luge
In Lycra he dressed
Ladies swooned most impressed
As his bulge was eyewateringly huge
That’s it…just one…already got a blinder in mind for tomorrow using the word “girth”
Get well soon.
To round off a day of mostly limericks one last post. Inspired by a comment by a reader at http://www.poetrummager.com who suggested limericks could replace traditional get well soon message. Thank you !
An infected promiscuous mate
Got aids from a lass on a date
He was once much much bigger
But now has a nice figure
Since infected he’s lost loads of weight
I saw your dad this afternoon
Heard your stomach looks like a balloon
And your bottom has leaked
But your temperature peaked
So I hope that you’ll feel better soon
Your mum said you just been for tests
For a lump that you found in your breast
Lets hope its not bad
Cos that happened to dad
And just after we laid him to rest
I saw your dad at the garage
said your scrotum is swollen quite large
Since you went to Bangkok
I bet it was a shock
When you saw the quite nasty discharge.
Right…that’s a lot of posts for one day, see you tomorrow perhaps.
Photo couryesy of Typographyimages@pixabay
This just slipped out…next post will be more grown up promise
A chap from school who Id forgotten
got a vegetable lodged in his bottom
But he chose to do nowt
And it simply dripped out
A week later when it had gone rotten
OK…thats enough posts for today. Just needed to get that out before I forgot it. Seem to be on a roll.
A quick dose of inappropriateness
I am away for a few days and the hotel is next to a rather rowdy beer garden whos patrons seem to be having a quite wonderful time. So in lieu of sleep I will see whether I can manage a few limericks on my phone.
A baker I know quite sublime
Made cakes pies and puddings most fine
Met a lass who he woo’d
with his sensual food
Said she “Your spotted dick is divine!”
A fellow with wife rather bland
For insurance he schemed and he planned
But his plot came to nought
By the cops he was cought
Now in prison he gets nightly manned
Amsterdam…drugs whores and beer
What a weekend he had but i fear
That his wife will discover
His large breasted lover
When the tests come back with gonorrhoea
A hubby his wife sadly binned
But not ‘cos she cheated or sinned
Such a flatulent hag
She’d eat chilli, he’d gag
As it gave her quite horrible wind
They seem a little quieter…perhaps they’ve gone for a kebab…
Sleep well!
Not had time to write today, so here’s a quick Donald limerick.
A day in the life of the Donald in limerick form.
l am not particularly interested in politics at all but as far
as reasons to write the golden haired golf playing POTUS
is certainly good value for money.
Oh Donald with golden hair you
must wake up with so much to do
But you sit on the shitter
Posting rantings to twitter
Like some mad man who’s been sniffing glue
This morning you’ll take on the press
Fake News!” blah blah blah…what a mess
And your staff organise
cover ups of your lies
but we know that you couldn’t care less
Then a snack and nap if you can
While you dream up your next foolish plan
“Build a wall!” hear him scream
as he wakes from a dream
Then he bans anyone with a tan.
Now it’s time to try sort out the health
care bill as its wasting the wealth
Of the rich on the frail
And the people who ail
If you can’t then you’ll kill it through stealth
Now some lunch as it’s been go go go
Then there’s pussy to grab don’t you know
“When you’re rich, don’t you see
It is pretty much free
And the women will never say no!”
After Lunch its some golf with your chums
As your right wing pals get out their guns
Pillow case on their heads
Wrapped in sheets from their beds
Picking fights with the cross lefty mums
For the rest of the day you’ll be rooting
For your very good friend Vlad the Putin
As he wrestles with bears
punches babies and hares
and gives puppies a right proper booting
Then pre dinner you’ll probably fire
Some fellow you’d chosen to hire
Just this morning “but hey
they’ve been here like a day
that’s the price for provoking my ire!”
After Dinner its time for some more
planning your own major war
just like George dubya Bush
(Who you secretly crush)
And whö’s father you really adore
Then tucked up in bed as you’ve been
Working hard at just not-being-green
The planet you’ll slaughter
you dream of your daughter
And of making Ang Merkel your queen
Fancy something else?
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
Photo courtesy of Haft
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/organize/
eh7@pixabay
Limericks about the darker side of life….Today I think I shall perhaps write about sexual harassment in the work place.
Limericks about the darker side of life….Today I think I shall perhaps write about sexual harassment in the work place, prison abuse and the evils of drugs. All of which I know absolutely nothing. Remember, It’s not big and it’s not clever…any of this.
A lass at our work called Tallulah
Approached a young lad with a ruler
proclaimed “Three and a half”
He:”You’re having a laugh,
and it’s cold so do not let that fool ya”!
A young lad caught fiddling the books
got locked up with the rapists and crooks
spent his days filled with dread
frightful thoughts in his head
pretty mouth, lovely hair, rugged looks
A woman I knew, Enid Black
smoked some weed for an ache in her back
then she dabbled in coke
which she got from “some bloke”
Now spends all day selling boobies for crack
There was another here but I think it goes too far but I struggle with boundaries…so if you choose to read it you have to scroll and scroll and scroll.
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
Husband wants rape sex role play
“Bloody hell no!” says wifey “No way!”
“That the spirit!” he cries
all ‘Trumpesque’ grabs her thighs
Now hes single, in jail, wife turned gay
>A fellow from Bangor I met
Had a shirt that was soaked through with sweat
As he’d been on the run
From a priest and a nun
And a Bishop whos wife he got wet
>A lady with bosoms aplenty
Proved a hit with the men of the gentry
They succumbed to her wiles
And her winks and her smiles
But to church she was oft refused entry
>A chap met a lass in a bush
Passion and lust what a rush
Pulses raced what a thrill
As they rolled on the hill
Until doctor confirmed he had thrush
>A wife bored at home with burst pipe
Hastily scrubbed with a wipe
As the plumber quite handy
Made her head swim like brandy
She was ready for plucking, quite ripe
>Please do not show these words to the wife
I really do not want the strife
“A grown man should man should know better,
your kids cold read this letter…
writing slightly rude rhymes, get a life!”
Afterwards 