Tag: limerick

Get well soon hear you contracted syph

and its pungent and rancid don’t sniff

cos it’s looking quite green

get antibacs and some cream

stay downwind cos god you sure whiff

Once a builder, an eye for perfection

met an architect fond of inspection

day by day how he woo’d

took her out for some food

and insisted “come see my erection”

Once a cad, quite a scoundrel, Jafar

slept around, in the bedroom a star

but he caught something bad

from this lass and her dad

now alas keeps his cock in a jar

Hear that thing on your leg has got worse

you should probably go see a nurse

cos it smells really off

and you’ve got a bad cough

or we’ll soon see you off in a hearse

Once a lass from the banks of the Humber

Who did quite shocking things with cucumber

What she did with a squash

Made you wince and say gosh

But oh how you’d kill for her number

Once a maiden with curves by the plenty

Sold her good self to poor, rich and gentry

Every Sunday the priests

Had her down on her knees

Though to church they would still refuse entry

A royal couple, face beaming with smile

but he’ll have to wait still for a while

seems he’s rather quite keen

this romantic young dream

he can’t wait to take her up the aisle

Once a farmer of ill reputation

was accused of such vile molestation

as his pigs looked harassed

and his sheep ran so fast

with a look of intense consternation

Flush with cash, dame from North Carolina

who so craved a sweet custom vagina

said her beau “looks fantastic

though your clit’s made of plastic

and your labia’s hand made in China”

Clad in white, fellow quite fond of cricket

So much so he would dance down the wicket

And with joyous delight

In the sun shining bright

Pull a stump out, caress it and lick it

A virile young fellow named Darren

He divorced, said his missus was barren

try as hard as he could

Was his sperm that was dud

She remarried, 3 kids, Joe, Zak, Aaron

Narcoleptic chain smoker, Belinda

Nodded off, burnt her house to a cinder

Now she’s trying to make cash

On the street selling ass

To the men that she locates on Tinder

Get some rest you’ll feel better I’m sure

Once it heals it will not feel so sore

You’ll be soon back to boozing

When you clear up the oozing

And next time just say no to the whore

Eeuw I hear it’s all swollen and smelly

and there’s bits that are wobbly like jelly

I’d suggest get some cream

as it shouldn’t be green

leaking yellow puss onto your belly.