Heard some Mexican made you feel queasy
and your tummy is feeling uneasy
some advice, for a start
don’t gamble on a fart
and by morning you should feel quite peachy
Oh that sounds awful
Hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning. Get well soon.
Tag: inappropriate
Oh yeah. Hard core.
I realise that one right does not in any way fix all of the wrongs.
Parched the earth waits still
distant rumbles promise life
passes by taunting
Oh good god I tried to write a proper haiku effort and I feel all dirty. Please don’t think badly of me or tell anyone because I have a reputation to keep up. I really have no hidden depths than need to be explored, I am somewhat blond to the beauty around me mostly and I do not possess the angst nor the soul to produce something that will speak to your heart.
I can however turn cock, sock and shock into something pretty funny when so moved which is something I guess.
Play to your strengths eh 🙂
Wednesday!
Here we go ladies and gentlemen, it’s hump day!
Once a virginal lass from Belize
met a chap fond of porno and sleaze
it was love at first sight
and she said that she might
once they’re married go down on her knees
17 syllables for you. Not even sure what these are anymore.
You, yes you.
Midnight lust, face like
a pool of sick and bogies
by the light of day
Happy Monday!
Not long left of it now…
A young vegan lass born in Botswana
fell in love and she married a farmer
Once she’d sampled his meat
could not resist the treat
daily gorges on cow, pork and llama
Always be safe
You really do need to keep an eye on those pesky use by dates
Yoghurt past its best
It’ll be fine, smells okay
…sparkly clean colon
Another one of these
Look, if I don’t write them down they go round and round in my head and that really is not a good thing at all.
Scottish musician Roddy McDougall
rugged looks, kind and handsome, quite frugle
how the ladies would wilt
at the sight of his kilt
at his impressive bagpipes and bugle
Sunday starts with one of these.
Sorry. Really. Cant be true though I am sure it would get her struck off.
Friend of mine has a proctologist
who shirks fingers instead uses fist
claims its truly divine
has it done all the time
he first tried it in Amsterdam pissed
Its nearly sunday
Seems an ideal opportunity for a haiku about something one should not really be writing haiku about.
dry as the desert
Nervous at the urinal
prying eyes be gone
It’s Friday. Just.
The day has a ‘Y’ in it so must mean it’s time for another one of these.
Chap met a girl in a jacuzzi
at a party, quite raucous and boozy
all those bubble and jets
they were both rather wet
took her home, he’s a bit of a floozy
Thursday. You know what that means don’t you?
Tomorrow is Friday yup!
Once a fellow with waning resistance
he succumbed to a chap who’s persistence
saw his nights and most days
filled with sensual way
now he cant walk without some assistance
Just 17 syllables
Oh such a tight and disciplined little thing.
suppresses a sneeze
it has to go somewhere though
it’s brown trouser time
Wednesday already?
My goodness how quickly the week is going. Let’s have anther limerick shall we.
A quite flexible chap from Barundi
was a fellow from Thursday to Sunday
then some blusher, a tuck
padded bra and good luck
was a woman first thing on the Monday
Tuesday. 2 PM.
I hope this helps with the long dark tea time of the soul.
Once a vet rather dark and malicious
he found hamsters and rabbits delicious
dog he found a bit tough
not like parrot or dove
and oh how he liked cats, nutricious!
Words of advice
Something to consider if your planning on taking a break somewhere exotic this summer.
Oh summer loving
happened so fast, had a blast
and caught crabs. Nasty.
Monday. Meh.
I’m kind of glad that’s over to be honest. Roll on Tuesday!
A poor chap born just outside of Harrow
had to cart his testes in a barrow
but it gets even worse
’tis a terrible curse
has a penis the size of a marrow.
Lets not worry about work tomorrow yet eh…
Happy Sunday to you all out there.
There once was a man from Gabon
personality, looks he had none
but he got loads of chicks
he was really quite rich
but they left him when it was all gone
Ooh really? How horrid
Sunday shenanigans
There once was a lass born in Ghana
would do quite shocking things with banana
she would use up a bunch
between breakfast and lunch
though she said its ok, they wont harm her
One wont make a difference honest
There’s always room for more right?)
Sunny day again
will this madness never end?
bring back winter please
No, I am unlikely to ever stop
Just in case you find yourself asking the question
A chap who packed up and moved west
met this lass with a pendulous chest
quite the largest he’d felt
which she tucked in her belt
helps her posture, gives her back a rest
It will all be over soon
Enough I hear you scream!
Once a newly wed bloke from Mauritius
told his wife that his jizz was nutritious
and quite good for her skin
and would keep her quite thin
raised an eyebrow, not daft, quite suspicious
17 syllables, just for you.
There’s always room for more 😉
Delights of the flesh
mouth wet eagerly consumed
dinner at Lecter’s
Another one because I’m kind like that.
No need to thank me
Friend of mine had a girlfriend called Wendy
into swinging she said “it’s quite trendy”
he would idly stand by
whilst each penis she’d try
didn’t last, though she’s still an attendee
Psst, look what I have for you.
It won’t take long to read trust me…
Diet’s going well
willing to trade first born child
for pizza and cake
Seems to be Saturday.
Weekend ahoy and we know what that means…I do hope you feel better soon.
Heard you had a problem with your zip
and it caused a quite nasty large rip
got it stitched, put on cream
when you piss makes you scream
got infected and started to drip
Afterwards 