Tag: inappropriate

A religious perv hailing from Gent

gave up masturbating for lent

lasting ’till the first morn

he succumbed to the porn

by eleven was rather quite spent

Once a pimpernel Flotus quite chic

In her coat – meant no harm – god that’s weak

Is she really that thick?

She did marry that prick

seems they all have that vicious cruel streak

 

Well off friend of mine met this lass Daiy

a real gold digger, frightfully lazy

she would spend all his stack

weekly empty his sack

said he loves her I said “Mate you’re crazy!”

Lass I know back in school – Afrikaaner

could do quite awesome things with banana

they would make your eyes water

really not sure who taught her

if her mother knew it would alarm her

A quite ravenous chap from Burundi

Gorged on pastries most weekdays bar Monday

when he’d feast on pork chops

steaks, pies chips and roll-mops

and leftovers he’d kept from last Sunday

 

 

 

Once a cross dressing fellow from Dorset

thought he looked really great in a corset

It gave shape to his hips

Gave his bosom a lift

“make it tighter” he cried “really force it”

 

 

 

 

Oh you poor little fellow, so sad

heard you piercing’s infected quite bad

and it’s likely you’ll lose it

lesson learned, don’t abuse it

how you’ll miss what you lost that you had

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A large fellow who thought “well alrighty”

When alone would slip on his wife’s nighty

Loved the soft silken feel

Made him quiver and squeal

Lace clad 300 pounds, most unsightly

 

 

A hardworking hooker, not picky

about who’d she’d get hot and quite sticky

she jerked Nig, Claude and Fred

to Big Dave she gave head

slept with Tommy, Giles, Mark, Luke and Ricky

 

 

 

 

Once a man who would give nought to charity

had a moment of soul searching clarity

gave up all he possessed

to the poor did divest

all his goods to try make up disparity

 

 

There once was a woman from Maine

loved her dog but it drove her insane

ate her chairs and the sofa

soiled her husband Bill’s loafer

doleful eyes insist he’s not to blame

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Again, and this is the second time I have had to clarify such a matter in the last few days, but it is the dog that insists it was not to blame and not husband Bill.  I am pretty sure Bill likes the dog and wouldn’t/culdn’t possibly pass solids into his own best loafer’s just to discredit the dog.  Thinking about it I am not sure how easy it would be to soil one’s own shoe.  It would take a serious effort to land anything inside it I am sure.  Well if anyone has any insights into such things please feel free to share.

Michael

 

 

 

 

Once a chap hated Tuesday, such dread

so he refused to get out of his bed

To sleep Monday, forlorn

and get up Wednesday morn

and between under blankets instead

 

Heard your gastric bypass went quite well

though you’re starving and grumpy as hell

silver lining they say

you’ll lose weight day by day

and you’ll sweat less so maybe won’t smell

 

 

 

Once a lover, convinced he was gifted

Said “I’m surely your best” and insisted

“Baby I’ll make you moan”

But if only he’d known

During sex to ex loves she oft drifted

 

 

 

There once was a woman from France

Asked a baker to go to a dance

As she really did want

His baguette and croissant

And his perfectly shaped vol-aux-vents

 

 

 

A vile fellow wrenched Kids from their dads

Made republicans happy, so glad

Seems God wants it this way

Jesus hollered, “Hooray”

Satan said “and they say that I’m bad!”

 

 

 

There once was a woman form Neath

who gave up on her Godly belief

 

thoughts of wuthering heights

kept her up every night

oft cavorted way up on the heath

 

Chap I know found it really quite tricky

to write age approp’ nice limericky

they’d end up quite obscene

make you wince howl and scream

with their love of the gross, vile and sticky

 

 

Bloke I know goes on every diet

Fasting, juice, Atkinsons – oh he’ll try it

See it seems to not matter

Just gets fatter and fatter

Raids the fridge every night – he’ll deny it

 

 

 

A rum fellow who hailed from Phuket

Every day he would drink to forget

How his wife would cavort

With men at the resort

Hated swimming but loved to get wet

 

 

 

 

A hormonal young teenager Ricky

who awoke every day rather sticky

and each morning’s first task

was a pretty tough ask

unglue him from his sheets – rather tricky

 

 

 

Heard you’re down in the dumps – hugs and smiles

seems you have a bad case of the piles

and they’re hanging like grapes

and your butt really gapes

eat more bran they’ll be fine in a while

 

 

 

Lad I know, met a girl, made a pass

problem was uncontrollable gas

though quite perfectly suited

they’d make love and he tooted

now he’s single, well you can’t blame the lass

 

 

 

Newly married, bride said “you need practice”

she professed to be pure, such an actress

would have ended in tears

had he known through the years

she’d enjoyed far more pricks than a cactus.