ravages of time
Cantankerous curmudgeon
blood isn’t that thick
So I am warned by my children
Welcome to old age
Category: limericks
A case of mistaken identity perhaps
It is exactly what it seems
he didn’t mean to
and protests his innocence
a costly divorce
A Friday limerick.
Shock, horror…
English teacher with nasty affliction
Burns, not from fire but from friction
She stayed late after class
head teacher made a pass
So she gave him a hand with his diction
Oh look another limerick.
Shock, horror…
Once a baker from North Carolina
ladies said his baguette, there’s none finer
his sweet buns were divine
his iced fingers sublime
and his footlong was quite the headliner
More inappropriate haikuesque nonsense
Think the drawing came first rather than the haiku.
nail biter gagging
a lesson in hand washing
won’t forget next time
Limerick o’clock
nothing weird here. See. 🙂
An unfortunate chap from Rawlpindi
who found curry and rice made him windy
poppadoms made him toot
on his foul anal flute
nicknamed ‘Dasta’ quite rightly in hindi
Another of these I think.
I would say I am sorry but you would know I was lying. Not really sure what this is. It’s a thing I guess.
Evil incarnate
enjoys farting into prams
he walks among us
Eat my limerick
Meh…
Once a highlander, sporraned and kilted
at the alter was left sad and jilted
as his dear wife to be
liked them bigger you see
found him not at all large and quite wilted
A Limerick.
Dirty bugger
Oh this fellow I know got this rash
from this chap he molested for cash cash
cos he wanted a treat
but to keep it discreet
and to not let his wife know, the trash
Two days in a row. Well I never…
Still mostly drivel
Once a fellow brought up in the Valley
Who went clubbing and met steaming Sally
They canoodled and kissed
Danced, ate, drank and got pissed
Got caught naked by cops down an alley
Monday haiku maybe?
The one where the salad wasn’t the only thing that was tossed
he watched plumber porn
Connected to the Bluetooth
while folks ate salad
It’s been a while. Let’s get back on the horse shall we.
Of course I will start with a limerick…
Once a lass felt her life was so missing
intimacy and loving and kissing
met a chap in the park
dated, soon turned quite dark
went from petting to bondage and pissing
A Limerick. Best I can muster at the moment.
Where the hell did the week go?
What an insanely busy few weeks here. I have had little chance to do a great deal at all and I am missing writing and will hopefully be back to normal in just over a week. Rugby season has started and I have a couple of festivals to organise and have been travelling a wee bit with work so the days seem to have escaped me…
A chap that I know had a prude
of a wife who was not fond of nude
fornication instead
she insisted that bed
was for rest and not anything rude
Oh well that’s just a little risky
But you love it…
Once a chap from the banks of the Humber
met this bloke and he gave him his number
how his jaw hit the floor
when he knocked at the door
with some rope, Vaseline and cucumber
Friday? Already?
Where the dickens did the week go?
A sweet creature most kind and demure
found the draw of dark things quite a lure
now she cant get enough
hair pulled, spanked and done rough
fish hooked, choked and abused oh for sure
Wednesday. Well I never…
Wednesday, well that came around rather quickly. Let’s start by being inappropriate shall we,
A quite elegant classical beauty
had a boyfriend who tried to get fruity
with her holes was obsessed
whether naked or dressed
be it mouth, twixt her thighs or her booty
Shall we? A limerick perhaps?
Tuesday. Just great.
Once a lass of dark urges called Grace
Would find men any time any place
She would take a full load
Squeal for delight, they’d explode
With great gusto all over her face
A limerick to ease us out of Sunday and into the new week.
I find the withdrawal method the best way to end the week and prevent unwanted weekend hangover.
A free loving hard drinking lass Mandy
would go down for a bottle of brandy
would dry hump for white wine
for 6 beers, 69
and a hand job for two pints of shandy.
Sunday Haiku !
The one with the dirty toothbrush.
Wife wants a divorce
she caught him with her tooth brush
enjoyed how it buzzed
Because I was asked
Reminds me of the joke told by Prince on the Batman album…
I was encouraged to do a post containing the words ‘Cavernous Vagina’.
Serious.
WTF people, control yourselves. 😉
no pants, bends over
wind, cavernous vagina
echoes like a shell
Friday? Already? Oh go on then. Have a Limerick.
Kind of me eh!
Once a hirsute Chap hair thick and black
had his pubes waxed, his back and his sack
Felt he ought to protest
when she then did his chest
but he loved being smooth, “Do my crack!”
Here you go, just a quickie
Reminds me of the joke told by Prince on the Batman album…
Things sure seem different
she swears she’s been true indeed
loves well endowed dwarfs
I didn’t mean to make it about dwarfs, but my drawing went all to shit scale wise so it was either dwarfs or kids hiding in the bushes and I took the less offensive/illegal route. I mean there are boundaries I wouldn’t cross. At one point it had the words ‘cavernous vagina’ in there too which was again, wholly unnecessary and rather crass. Sorry.
Ooh Thursday, you snuck up on me there.
You cheeky little monkey
Once a chap, infidelity loving
who’s dear wife caught him pushing and shoving
to his bits took a knife
now she’s locked up for life
but that’s fine, least he can’t do no loving
A haiku about being naked.
Oh how most unfortunate.
ardent naturalist
flatulent, taco Tuesday
soiled their new settee
Wednesday already. Lordy lordy lordy
Well this is going quickly
An old lady who so loved her cat
Lived alone, tripped and fell, in her flat
rather dead what a smell
cops broke in, cat looked well
as it ate off her face, fancy that
Afterwards 