Tag: liar

Fiddlesticks – March Prompts 21/31

Oh how very horrid.

M’s writing prompts for March came with the following instructions:

“…set your timer for ten minutes and begin writing about one of the prompts listed below. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, neatness, or anything like that; just write!”

Let us see what whimsical nonsense I can whip up in ten minutes…

You can see the prompts here.

He dances round the subject

of just where he was last night

there is lipstick on his collar

and she hopes that he just might

this time tell her something honest

and perhaps he’ll see the light

but he says was with his mates so she replies

….

Fiddle sticks balderdash and a dose of nincompoop

Piles of twaddle loads of tosh and a massive load of bollocks

So much gubbins endless waffle and a steaming pile of nonsense

Pointless drivel stupid dribble and a total crock of shite

Thoughts and prayers across America tonight

Bet you a tenner some people are on their knees right now saying this exact stuff!

Dear Jesus

Thank you for Our Potus Donald, and I pray you bless him as he does your divine will as he leads our great country.  We pray you will strike down those that the devil brings against him as you struck down the Amalekites and killed all their women and children.

We ask that you will spare him from the temptation of porn stars and spankings because he is your vehicle and chosen by you and we believe in our hearts that you sent him to save our great nation from people using the wrong toilets and the sick and the poor who have no faith in your word and do not give 10% to the church.

We pray that you will allow the scales to drop from the eyes of the wicked press that distort your precious truths coming from your servant’s mouth and heavenly father we ask in the name of your son that you will stop babies being born in the ninth month because we know this is not your will.

We ask in the name of your son that you bless those republican leaders who are fighting in your name to remove from our land those that do not deserve to be part of the bounty you have blessed us with and we ask that you grant them travel mercies and they return safely to countries they left 20 years ago because they have probably been missed quite a lot.

We ask this in the precious name of your son Jesus Amen

Nukes? Well why not it is a Wednesday…

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I wrote yesterday that “I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right…”

I may have to go part time at work to make time for all the writing that needs to be done.  I rather enjoyed this tweet of his because it seems that the more insane his tweet the more harassed and under pressure he is and if this is anything to go by he is most certainly suffering, which is a nice thought.

Im hoping it’s given him a bit of an upset stomach and he keeps having to race off to the loo.  Not like anyone takes him serious but he is even less believable when he has to keep asking…”Can I just take a moment, I really need a shit.”  To which an aide will answer “but you just had a shit sir, is everything alright” to which he then answers “I make shits young man, the biggest shits.  The best shits. Presidential shits.”

He is just about to go into how Hilary never stood a chance with the small shits she probably did and about to insist that hers were “barely a shart”and that the rumour of her once producing a steaming log after a particularly meat-heavy Thanks Giving are just fake poos when he realises it’s too late,  turtle head has struck and he has kind of shit his pants.

again.

We can but dream people!

 

 

The madness continues

Seems the Donald now thinks you have him to thank for Aviation’s safest year on record.

I will only post about Donald when he does something stupid, ridiculous or lies.  Seems fair right.  This was not on my writing schedule at all but when I saw his tweet taking credit for the lack of aviation deaths in 2017…

Fear of flying? No worries, no sweat

seventeen was the safest year yet

no plane fell from the sky

thanks to Donald that’s why

surely the greatest Pres’ yet

 

Hmm.  Not sure about sarcastic.  Think I am better at just being frightfully rude.

Seems the Donald think he is to blame

that no planes crashed or engulfed in flame

The blokes clearly not well

eat a dick, go to hell

you’re a fool and quite clearly insane.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the great king across the sea

oh how great thou art in thine own eyes

You know by now how this goes right…

 

A fellow quite fond of gold showers

lay spread eagled and pissed on for hours

cos he loves human waste

smell, feel colour and taste

says he thinks it give him super powers

 

Heavens that just flowed out of me like a hookers hot liquid leavings…

 

Watch him pander, right wing evangelics

and the baby boom males, cold war relics

Nazi’s, those at the top

KKK and the GOP

He’s way worse than a mad ISIS cleric

 

But small hands will do that to a man

who grabs pussy whenever he can

 

and is mates with Roy Moore

whole likes kids by the score

and sends muslims away by the score

 

 

 

 

Are you kidding me?

This is a new level of madness…

I awoke this morning to read that Donald has tweeted that given that it is going to be cold on the east coast of America on New Years eve that is proof against the arguments of global warming.

Are you fucking kidding me.  Because he had Dinner last night does that mean there is no starvation out there across the planet.  What about Science?  Evidence?  This fool does not even know the difference between climate and weather.

I read once that a people get the government they deserve and I have to ask myself what the hell did you Americans do to deserve this?

You know, I don’t think I can even do a limerick on this right now.  Who’d have thought eh.

Fuck you Donald Trump and fuck anyone who supports you.   You’re all idiots.

A bit OTT I admit

I think this would be fun read aloud all dramatic.

Oh Donald

Piss soaked and rancid monster

Eating the babies of the poor for breakfast

Fried, boiled or poached

Race doesn’t matter when it dribbles from your gaping rectum

 

You sit atop your mountain of ill gotten gains

Face contorted, scant comfort

Self proclaimed saviour of Christmas

Move over Jesus

the GOP have a new messiah

 

Cold shrivelled heart beats slowly

Small fingers reaching, searching

Stabbing at late night screens

Drifting into sleep

Dreaming of teens

 

Bring him your poor huddled masses

Tossed onto his raging fire

Warming himself

Cries music to his ears

Heartless Evangelicals applaud

 

A slow descent into madness calls

Paranoid, mind full of echoes

Until an end

Cold, feeding the worms

As feet dance merrily above

Childish Christmas Insults

Crass childish sweary nonsense that barely rhymes properly

 

A POTUS loved by evangelic

praise Jesus hes orange, mesmeric

But to me hes a dick

a piss drenched racist prick

no better than an ISIS cleric

 

Now he reckons it’s Christmas he’s saved

so you better hope you have behaved

In the name of J Christ

he’s now after your wife

He requests her pussy waxed or shaved

 

Okay so theyre a bit clumsy but I kinda like them anyway 🙂

 

A very Donald Christmas

A quick Tuesday shenannigan

I know I’ve written about this stuff before but it remains fun to challenge myself to search for the perfect limerickian expression to encapsulate certain subjects. I’ll miss them when it is all over I am sure.

I believe he likes watching parades

and with family plays cards and charades

now this might seem quite mean

and to some most obscene

but I hope he gets cancer or aids