Once a lad with a craving for butts
Would spend all of his money on sluts
Had none left to pay rent
Now he lives in a tent
Rents his out, charges extra for nuts
Limerick
been a while…
Category: limericks
Aah such a sweet limerick
Work is work…
An industrious hobo from Kent
.
had no home, not a box nor a tent
.
sold his bottom for cash
.
round his mouth, nasty rash
.
on cheap liquor his takings were spent
.
Limericky icky get well soon
Get well soon you mucky bugger
Get well soon hear you contracted syph
.
and its pungent and rancid don’t sniff
.
cos it’s looking quite green
.
get antibacs and some cream
.
stay downwind cos god you sure whiff
.
Tuesday limerick goodness.
It is indeed a slippery road..
Once a chap with a nasty sore back
took some weed for pain which lead to crack
now sells ass for a high
pay, he’ll milk you quite dry
for a tenner he’ll empty your sack
Saturday limerick. Explicit.
Sweary indeed….
A tourette’s suffering fine voiced young fellow
.
joined a group and sang sweet acapello
.
Until he stood at the front.
shouted “Tit, shit, fuck, cunt”
.
in a rather deep baritone bellow.
.
Yup, another poo limerick…
a load of old poo
A faecal historian from Goole.
.
Fascinated by fine bygone stool.
.
How he took such delight.
.
In a large corpalit
.
And if corn filled it made him quite drool
Look, a Ye-Olde Limerick…
Hear ye, hear ye…
A wench with a bosom a plenty.
Bedroom skills quite a hit with the gentry
.
For a couple of shilling
.
She’s both ready and willing
Come around her back alley for entry
Some Saturday night limericks
A few of these…
‘My Friend’ watches far too much telly
.
middle aged, double chins and round belly
.
legs and arms got quite thick
.
now he can’t see his dick
.
and his man boobs they jiggle like jelly
—
A husband one day proclaimed dead
.
seems his wife shot him right through the head
.
on his phone saw a text
.
“Banged your sister, you’re next!”
.
really made quite a mess of the bed
—-
Farmers wife with a craving for men
.
got caught cheating again and again
.
hub quite angry threw fits
.
then he chopped her to bits
.
fed her parts to the pigs in his pen
.
Hey you. Got another bestiality limerick for you ‘n your mum
Nasty
Lonely farmer, long nights, all alone
.
watched hot animal vids on his phone
.
he succumbed to desire
.
as lambs set him afire
.
and the squealing pigs so made him moan
.
Limerick
It’s something I guess…
A poetry lover called Jake
For a muse how his body did ache
To inspire to great things
Let his words soar on wings
And perhaps a fine bottom to shake
A front bum limerick.
Self praise is no praise…
Once a lass called Heidi from Mauritius
She declared, “My vagina’s delicious!
Oh my vulva and labia
Are so packed full of flavour
And my clit is quite truly nutritious!”
Death limericks…sad face.
Sad face emojo goes here
4 for the price of 1
A lass I once worked with called Jane
Had a tumour removed from her brain
She went to celebrate
Thinking yeah this is great
But got hit on way home by a train
…
My friend knew a girl, quite the dancer
Really hot so he thought he’d romance her
Woo’d her hard, they got wed
Had two kids then dropped dead
Nobody knew she had brain cancer
…
Mum loved chicken and steak, cheese and bread
Quite often ate cake in her bed
Scoffing chocolate and sweeties
Got real fat, diabetes
Lost 3 toes then one summer fell dead
…
Old dame lived alone in a flat
Had no family or friends fancy that
Fell, banged her head on the ground
Three weeks later was found
Decomposing, face chewed off by her cat
…
A limerick. Meh…
oink oink
Pig farming couple found love, quite devine
Loved each other, and life was sublime
But it soured for she
Loved the pigs more than he
Caught her breastfeeding one of the swine
Did a shit, weighing neatly 4 pounds
A Limerick.
ouchy
Boozy nudist, young fellow called Brian
To get an all over tan he was tryin’
Had a few coke n rum
Fell asleep in the sun
Woke up screaming with cock n balls fryin’
A Limerick
All hail the queen of dragons!
A sex toy purveyor called Brenda
.
Bought a dildo, a thick double-ender
.
With each end like a dragon
.
How she could not stop braggin’
.
Left her unable to walk and quite tender
Another Limerick. On a Sunday. It is Sunday right?
A quickie for you…
Lonely lad, alone and isolated.
.
Spent his days watching porn, masturbated
.
Till his bits were quite raw
.
And his arms were real sore
.
And his balls were all red and inflated.
A get well soon limerick
ouchy!
Heard you had quite a tiff with your Zip
.
And the skin on your knob it did rip
.
And you screamed like a child
.
And your eyes they bulged wild
.
Left a rather deep gouge in the tip
.
A Limerick about a bodybuilder’s man bits.
on closer inspection….
Body builder on steroids, quite fit
.
The effect on his manhood quite shit
.
And it got really bad
.
Could not tell which he had .
A small dick or a really big clit?
A Limerick maybe?
Room for a small one?
A quite ravenous chap from Burundi
Gorged on pastries most weekdays bar Monday
when he’d feast on pork chops
steaks, pies chips and roll-mops
and leftovers he’d kept from last Sunday
4-Some of Saturday night limericks
A bank robber from Toremelinos
stole to get cash for his penis
to enlarge was his wish
but the products are pish
now he’s locked up in jail with men, heinous
‘My Friend’ watches far too much telly
middle aged, double chins and round belly
legs and arms got quite thick
now he can’t see his dick
and his man boobs they jiggle like jelly
A husband one day proclaimed dead
seems his wife shot him right through the head
on his phone saw a text
“Banged your sister, you’re next!”
really made quite a mess of the bed
Farmers wife with a craving for men
got caught cheating again and again
hub quite angry threw fits
then he chopped her to bits
fed her parts to the pigs in his pen
Your Filthy Friday Limerick?
Rushed and a bit pants but I’m tired and need to go to bed…
Once a farmer, who was well endowed
with great stock and would proclaim quite loud
Of the worth of his meat
A mouth watering treat
How his sheep left him standing quite proud
Thursday Lunchtime Limerick?
I know that I can do better but I am sat in the car eating my lunch. What exactly are you doing?
Once a student in love with the arts
Had a terrible case of the farts
When undressing at night
In her underwear, white
Had made finger painting from her sharts
Wednesday Lunchtime Limerick perhaps?
One about bums
A proctologist, fellow called Rick
Around rectums would feel rather sick
Her throw up at the thought
Of buttholes, loose or taut
And filled colons they gave him the ick
Tuesday Lunchtime Limerick
Better wipe it down after use
Gym for sex addicts, rather discreet
Knew the way to get sluts to compete
had the things that they like
Custom exercise bike
With a dildo instead of a seat
Monday mid day limerick
Treat yourself, it’s Monday
Once a good Christian fellow called Brad
Before marriage, no sex, said “it’s bad”
But his girl was quite keen
To do sex acts obscene
Had her sphincter torn up by his dad
Afterwards 