Category: limericks

Late Night Limerick – Get well soon

You might want to get it looked at

Oh poor lamb heard you’ve got gonorrhoea

And the symptoms they seem quite severe

Now it burns when you piss

You’d not bargained on this

When you paid for that hooker, oh dear

Some Saturday night limericks

A few of these…

‘My Friend’ watches far too much telly

.

middle aged, double chins and round belly

.

legs and arms got quite thick

.

now he can’t see his dick

.

and his man boobs they jiggle like jelly

—

A husband one day proclaimed dead

.

seems his wife shot him right through the head

.

on his phone saw a text

.

“Banged your sister, you’re next!”

.

really made quite a mess of the bed

—-

Farmers wife with a craving for men

.

got caught cheating again and again

.

hub quite angry threw fits

.

then he chopped her to bits

.

fed her parts to the pigs in his pen

.

Death limericks…sad face.

Sad face emojo goes here

4 for the price of 1

A lass I once worked with called Jane

Had a tumour removed from her brain

She went to celebrate

Thinking yeah this is great

But got hit on way home by a train

…

My friend knew a girl, quite the dancer

Really hot so he thought he’d romance her

Woo’d her hard, they got wed

Had two kids then dropped dead

Nobody knew she had brain cancer

…

Mum loved chicken and steak, cheese and bread

Quite often ate cake in her bed

Scoffing chocolate and sweeties

Got real fat, diabetes

Lost 3 toes then one summer fell dead

…

Old dame lived alone in a flat

Had no family or friends fancy that

Fell, banged her head on the ground

Three weeks later was found

Decomposing, face chewed off by her cat

…