On placing veg in your bottom.

This just slipped out…next post will be more grown up promise

A chap from school who Id forgotten 

got a vegetable lodged in his bottom 

But he chose to do nowt

And it simply dripped out 

A week later when it had gone rotten 

     

OK…thats enough posts for today.  Just needed to get that out before I forgot it. Seem to be on a roll.

Late night limericks 

A quick dose of inappropriateness

I am away for a few days and the hotel is next to a rather rowdy beer garden whos patrons seem to be having a quite wonderful time.   So in lieu of sleep I will see whether I can manage a few limericks on my phone. 

  
A baker I know quite sublime 

Made cakes pies and puddings most fine 

Met a lass who he woo’d

with his sensual food 

Said she “Your spotted dick is divine!”

   

   

A fellow with wife rather bland 

For insurance he schemed and he planned 

But his plot came to nought 

By the cops he was cought 

Now in prison he gets nightly manned  

   

   
Amsterdam…drugs whores and beer

What a weekend he had but i fear 

That his wife will discover 

His large breasted lover 

When the tests come back with gonorrhoea

     

  

A hubby his wife sadly binned

But not ‘cos she cheated or sinned

Such a flatulent hag

She’d eat chilli, he’d gag 

As it gave her quite horrible wind 

   

   
They seem a little quieter…perhaps they’ve gone for a kebab…
Sleep well!

My Donald limerick

Not had time to write today, so here’s a quick Donald limerick.

A day in the life of the Donald in limerick form.  

l am not particularly interested in politics at all but as far

as reasons to write the golden haired golf playing POTUS

is certainly good value for money.  

 


Oh Donald with golden hair you

must wake up with so much to do

But you sit on the shitter

Posting rantings to twitter

Like some mad man who’s been sniffing glue

 

This morning you’ll take on the press

Fake News!” blah blah blah…what a mess

And your staff organise

cover ups of your lies

but we know that you couldn’t care less

 

Then a snack and nap if you can

While you dream up your next foolish plan

“Build a wall!” hear him scream

as he wakes from a dream

Then he bans anyone with a tan.

 

Now it’s time to try sort out the health

care bill as its wasting the wealth

Of the rich on the frail

And the people who ail

If you can’t then you’ll kill it through stealth
Now some lunch as it’s been go go go

Then there’s pussy to grab don’t you know

“When you’re rich, don’t you see

It is pretty much free

And the women will never say no!”

 

After Lunch its some golf with your chums

As your right wing pals get out their guns

Pillow case on their heads

Wrapped in sheets from their beds

Picking fights with the cross lefty mums

 

For the rest of the day you’ll be rooting

For your very good friend Vlad the Putin

As he wrestles with bears

punches babies and hares

and gives puppies a right proper booting

 

Then pre dinner you’ll probably fire

Some fellow you’d chosen to hire

Just this morning “but hey

they’ve been here like a day

that’s the price for provoking my ire!”
After Dinner its time for some more

planning your own major war

just like George dubya Bush

(Who you secretly crush)

And whö’s father you really adore

 

Then tucked up in bed as you’ve been

Working hard at just not-being-green

The planet you’ll slaughter

you dream of your daughter

And of making Ang Merkel your queen


 

Fancy something else?

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 


Photo courtesy of Haft

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/organize/

 

eh7@pixabay

More miserable and inappropriate limericks – Not for the kiddies

Limericks about the darker side of life….Today I think I shall perhaps write about sexual harassment in the work place.

Limericks about the darker side of life….Today I think I shall perhaps write about sexual harassment in the work place, prison abuse and the evils of drugs.  All of which I know absolutely nothing.     Remember, It’s not big and it’s not clever…any of this.


A lass at our work called Tallulah

Approached a young lad with a ruler

proclaimed “Three and a half”

He:”You’re having a laugh, 

and it’s cold so do not let that fool ya”!


 

 

A young lad caught fiddling the books 

got locked up with the rapists and crooks

spent his days filled with dread

frightful thoughts in his head 

pretty mouth, lovely hair, rugged looks


A woman I knew, Enid Black

smoked some weed for an ache in her back 

then she dabbled in coke 

which she got from “some bloke” 

Now spends all day selling boobies for crack


 

There was another here but I think it goes too far but I struggle with boundaries…so if you choose to read it you have to scroll and scroll and scroll. 


 

Want to read more of my stuff?  No.  Don’t blame you, no offence taken.

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/

https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Husband wants rape sex role play

“Bloody hell no!” says wifey “No way!”

“That the spirit!” he cries

all ‘Trumpesque’ grabs her thighs

Now hes single, in jail, wife turned gay


 

Dash – a collection of hastily scribbled limericks – Daily prompt

 

>A fellow from Bangor I met

Had a shirt that was soaked through with sweat

As he’d been on the run

From a priest and a nun

And a Bishop whos wife he got wet

 

>A lady with bosoms aplenty

Proved a hit with the men of the gentry

They succumbed to her wiles

And her winks and her smiles

But to church she was oft refused entry

 

>A chap met a lass in a bush

Passion and lust what a rush

Pulses raced what a thrill

As they rolled on the hill

Until doctor confirmed he had thrush

 

>A wife bored at home with burst pipe

Hastily scrubbed with a wipe

As the plumber quite handy

Made her head swim like brandy

She was ready for plucking, quite ripe

 

>Please do not show these words to the wife

I really do not want the strife

“A grown man should man should know better,

your kids cold read this letter…

writing slightly rude rhymes, get a life!”

 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/dash/