But it does mention other beastly things
A young couple with dreams and such hope
Went to shit ‘cos of booze, sex and dope
He would drink, shit the bed
so she’d hump his mate Ted
and would pop round next door for a grope
I don’t really mean that can you tell?
Extra spicy please…
Flatulence just like fire
screams on the toilet
Now the kids have two mums! Bonus.
BFF and more
Husband no longer needed
so many plusses
The streak continues
So after confessing to having a bad month I girded my loins, did a healthy shop, planned my meals meticulously and then prompty ate most of a bloody cake again.
This was no accidental cake though, no slip of the tongue, no unintentional mountain of chocolate goodness, this was a cake of my own making. One minute I am wondering what ingrediants I have in the pantry and the next minute its an avalance of eggs, sugar, butter and a ton of chocolate and caramel which is filling the house with a heady and intoxicating cocoa scent.
I told myself I wouldn’t eat it, just make it, but I am a damned chocolate mouthed liar and the sweet batter was barely mixed before I was shovelling it into my my mouth like a crack whore desperate for a fix. The whole time I convince myself that this is just for the enjoyment of others but deep down I knew I would end up eating it by the damning light of the fridge in the middle of the night.
By the time the butter cream had been smothered all over it was just too difficult to resist and any slim resistance I might have been holding onto was gone and I succumbed.
God it was good…
Lets try have a better week eh. I have bought a ton of prunes and seeds and stuff which I am certain cannot be baked into anything pleasant at all.
Best I got today I’m afraid
Once a man, quite incredibly fat
rather lonely got himself a cat
but one day when it slept
he sat down, and then wept
as the poor little bugger went splat
Beware, beware as you fondle down there!
In the locker room
he learns and yearns, she declines
Not that kind of girl
Beware, beware as you fondle down there!
Alone he explores
lubricated penetrates
oops, where did it go
Let me count the ways.
Evil cross dressing grocer with candy
would lure kids to his van dressed as Mandy
Now he’s used by the felons
who adore his plump melons
and abuse him each night, ain’t that dandy
In your face haiku!
Complacent lovers
Just going through the motions
minds wander elsewhere
Mmmm delish!
On a health kick this bloke from Mauritius
drank his own sperm, claimed it was nutritious
and so good for his skin
and it kept him quite thin
milked himself three times daily, delicious
Hey it’s nearly the weekend!
There’s this fellow who get’s most excited
in his trousers, his loins quite ignited
by the arches and heels
at the sight how he squeals
runs his tongue ‘twixt the toes quite delighted
Here you go.
Romance rekindled
they think that they still have it
time’s taken it’s toll
Yes you. You know what you did.
Once a lass from the south of the Andes
got aroused on a couple of shandies
when on wine, lust devine
glass of port, 69
and my god what she’d do when on brandy’s
Fancy one of these?
a slip of the tongue
as they slip between the sheets
flaccid and forlorn
Sweet sweet middle of the week
Once a vet who her work loved intensely
got quite heated, loved gerbils immensely
hamsters so made her sweat
guinea pigs made her wet
and with rabbits gets quite over friendly
No, too early for that !
Plump stockings filled up
with Cristmas Innuendo
It’s still November
Have a good one people!
Much beer consumed
the bromance intensifies
and boundaries blur
Never been a big fan of Tuesday I’ll be honest.
A posh fellow, high class and good breeding
Found himself with dark thoughts and much needing
Gets his kicks, such a treat
watching fat ladies eat
Get’s him really quite hot when he’s feeding
But god no thanks ain’t doing that…
dating going well
she breaks the fart barrier
Arse like satan’s breath
Nothing weird or dirty. Hmm actually it’s pretty rubbish because of that.
Once a fellow who so dreaded Monday
as twas nowhere as much fun as Sunday
against Friday it pailed
next to Saturday failed
even Tuesday was way better fun day.
Hmm that is pants so here’s another.
Once a cardinal, proud of his choir
found the lads set his loins quite on fire
he could just not resist
when his large ring they kissed
how his mind swam with sinful desire
Just because you like them.
There once was a vicar from Chester
who would wear a long yellow sowester
not much else underneath
save perhaps a small brief
made it easier when out to molest ya
Already had one? Go on try another 😉
Once a colonel who really loved chicken
went too far, well beyond finger lickin’
Their pale flesh he’d caress
juicy things, plump firm breasts
and you know what inside he was sticking
But god no thanks ain’t doing that…
imagination
unleashed rampant and savage
in his head at least
I mean if that’s your thing you know,…
Once a lass with a cavernous vagina
proclaimed there was none sweeter nor finer
went in search of a beau
made a smart choice you know
now shacked with a talented miner
Watch out for that poor bathroom hygiene!
Aids rampant ran wild
he insists he’s been faithful
dead now so guess not
Afterwards 