All a bit wrong
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Chap I know met this lass on the net
Got him hot and into quite a sweat
The reveal was a shock
Turned out she had a cock
(And some big hairy balls I would bet
More of the same
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Once a POTUS said “Give them all guns
to the teachers, the kids and the mums
to the poor and the sick
to the old and the thick”
“Oh Bravo” said his NRA chums
A real who dunnit…
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Once a widow in black at the grave
For her husband did cry, being brave
But when home she’d rejoice
At the fear in his voice
When with candle his head she did stave
A limerick because why not!
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
A fellow rotund, barrel chested
Would snore loudly in bed when he rested
‘till his wife cracked and screamed
Bashed his head as he dreamed
She slept soundly in jail when arrested
It’s been a while…
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
POTUS fond of cavorting in pee
Banged a porn star, big fan of the V
Then he paid her a sum
Not to speak and keep shtum
That’s the norm in the land of the free
A limerick about Andy’s rather dirty wife
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Once in Rhyll lived a plumber called Andy
had a wife who when drunk got quite randy
she was game, full of wine
and on beer quite devine
but my god what a tramp when on brandy
Just a little silliness in this sea of seriousness
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Friend of mine met a woman called Wendy
who he claimed was incredibly bendy
to applause, whoops and cheers
legs tucked behind her ears
Oh my god! The photos he once sent me
Just the one…
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
There once was a fellow from Crete
had a quite kinky craving for feet
how he craved toes and heels
cos it gave him sex feels
and the odour he loved, oh so sweet
Not what it seems I assure you.
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Once a fellow from Afghanistan…
Okay so I have failed tonight. I tried a couple of places right and ended up choosing Afghanistan, and Tehran and Pakistan thinking I would go a little further afield. As a second line though, no matter how hard I tried all I could think of was these people packing their families up into a van. No matter where I tried to go these poor buggers ended up squashed in the rear of an old battered pickup.
They weren’t going anywhere nice though, not on a holiday or anything. They weren’t even going to the shops to pick up some of whatever people would go to the shops to buy in Afghanistan. Probably toilet roll and crisps like everyone everywhere else on the planet.
No, I had them in a van, accompanied by a goat doing their damnedest to not be where they were. What do I know about these places I then ask myself. Not enough probably – they might be perfectly happy in Tehran shopping for magazines and orange cordial and pillows.
I get I can be ignorant, I suppose we all can be. I might have to do a bit of research and then – if it turns out I was right – then I will happily pack them into a van and have my way with them.
limericks to make you roll your eyes and make tutting noises.
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
There once was a butcher named Chuck
would sell any old meat for a buck
he’d sell dachshunds as steak
sell you minced rat and steak
‘stead of chicken you’d get pigeon or duck
There once was a Baker call Ned
quite a perv, things he did with the bread
doughnut holes…yeah believe it
used his bits to achieve it
late at night he’d take croissants to bed
A fellow, a candlestick maker
had a wife who in bed was a faker
so he took to his bed
brought his work home instead
now quite easy for him to placate her
You should not like them but you will…
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
That title is a bit over the top isn’t it. Sorry.
A fellow quite fond of a spank
Gave up his well paid job in the Bank
Now he spends each day addled
High on coke getting paddled
By a 6ft tall angry blonde yank
There one hailed a man from Peru
Without pork he simply could not do
He could not live without
Daily servings of snout
Curly tails, pointy ears, trotters too
Orange man king of U S of A
Cannot stand the poor, sick, black or gay
God forbid you’re all 4
He will kill you for sure
Just as soon as he gets his own way
Crass and inappropriate
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
There once lived a man in Phuket
kept an elephant calf as a pet
treat it rather quite bad
it grew large and got mad
squashed him flat, left a smear, rather wet
An old lady qho rather loved cats
lived alone in a tall block of flats
died alone at her place
and the cats ate her face
decomposed, then was fed on by rats
A chap on vacation in Delhi
drank the water and god a bad belly
he would cry scream and shout
as he turned inside out
quite disgusting and rather quite smelly
One’s about putting marrows in one’s bottom…
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Once a woman quite fond of baguette
just the shape brought her out in a sweat
the soft inner, hard crust
filled her mind with such lust
and a footlong, well that made her wet
There once hailed a plumber from Goole
Who did not work on loos as a rule
See they made him unwell
Could not handle the smell
God forbid he should witness a stool
A gardner, big veg fan from Leeds
quite depraved in his sexual needs
how he loved to shove marrow
in his passages narrow
then would eat them, apart from the seeds
I’ll get bored of them eventually I am sure. Maybe…
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
There once hailed a priest from Manilla
who turned out was a serial killer
Though on Sundays he’d rest
with the saved and the blessed
Then on Monday, kill whores, what a thriller
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/
On the matter of meat, probing and D
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
There once was a butcher from Crete
had a love of fish, poultry and meat
gorged on legs, wings and chops
haggis eggs and roll-mops
burgers, sausage and steaks such a treat
Fan of X-Files insisted he’d been
by some aliens, sucked up in a beam
stretched his bottom quite wide
as they probed deep inside
the poor chap what they did was obscene
Once a POTUS who claimed “It’s fake news”
hates the poor and the blacks but likes Jews
grabs your wife by the V
then he showers in Pee
supports racist right wing and their views
Another day, more limericks
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Ballet dancer who got rather plump
so much so that she barely could jump
All the cookies and pies
they went straight to her thighs
when she did she came down with a thump
Once a Gent with a craving for women
went to watch them and spied on them swimming
he emerged ,they screamed “Weirdo!”
at the bulge in his speedo
didn’t help, the lip licking and grinning
Once a Donald with cravings for females
banged a porn star, ensuring no blackmail
paid her off, hundred K
“Doesn’t matter” he’ll say
“Not as bad as Clinton and her email!”
Waiting for the kids to finish school
I haven’t had much time write anything today as I have been rather busy doing stuff, but I did have a wee gap when picking the kids up from school and had the words Denise and Cheese rattling around in my head and needed to get them out so even more limericks. I think the second may be my one of my best ever.
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Friend of mine met a woman, Denise
Super hot but alas smelled like cheese
Tried quite hard, could not bed her
As she smelled just like cheddar
Gorgonzola, blue Danish and Bries
There once was a chap quite humongous
Never bathed, in his rolls he grew fungus
In his chins you’d find mould
Sweat would pool in each fold
In his crack nasty filth in abundance
There was a woman called Kate
Who would eat every crumb on her plate
She would nibble from others
From her parents and brothers
Now quite round and she cant find a date
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/
Need a get well soon limerick? Look no further…
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Saw your dad, says you’re suffering a spell
raging fever and sweaty as hell
spent all day on the loo
from both ends, as you do
hope you’re soon on the mend and quite well
You’ve a rash and the pustules are welling
and a discharge that’s green and now smelling
Maybe go see a nurse
‘fore it gets any worse
could explode if it carries on swelling
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/
Need a limerick for someone with a nasty discharge? I got your back…
Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
Stay in bed as I know you’re unwell
there’s a discharge, a rash – must be hell
get some shots, you’ll be fine
it will heal up in time
and perhaps it will no longer smell
Oh poor poppit I hope you’re less sick
as the discharge, I believe, is quite thick
hope the swelling goes down
and it’s no longer brown
and it’s no longer oozing, quite slick
Heard you caught something nasty my friend
take your pills you’ll be soon on the mend
next time just be aware
take precautions and care
cos it seeping and all red at the end
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/
No apologies, they make me happy.
Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
A financier born in Sri Lanka
Who wrote poems, quite odd for a banker
he would take such delight
in his form oh so tight
how he revelled in Haiku and Tanka
There once lived a farmer called Phil
bought a bride on the web from Brazil
when she landed such shock
massive balls and a cock
it worked out though, shes hung, what a thrill
There once was a Vicar from Cannes
who when drunk went to bed with a man
Hes now happy it seems
with the man of his dreams
left the church, toured the world in a van
Okay lousy last line there but I wanted them to have a happy ending.
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/
Proof perhaps that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…
Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
There once was a vet born in France
Gerbils caused quite a stir in his pants
Rabbits caused a cold sweat
And his trousers got wet
Fondles hamsters if hes given chance
Once a husband caught aids from a hooker
quite infected but still quite a looker
gave his wife it, she died
and their graves the kids cried
On his gravestone it read, “What a Fucker”
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/
Proof perhaps that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…
Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world.
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
There once was a man from gelong
Who enjoyed to put on his wife’s thong
Slipped and fell, it’s no laugh
Cut his balls clean in half
now soprano at church sing along
A young fellow caught wifey in bed
with a big burly fellow called Ted
Who was quite well endowed
and incredibly proud
Took the house, car and both kids instead
Once a vicar who rather liked kids
and confessed of the bad things he did
seems that’s all that it takes
when you make big mistakes
guaranteed by the church to keep hid
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/
Proof that a limerick can make even the darkest of topics more pleasant…
Today, I pay tribute (or a homage if you will) to those that have suffered at the hands of this cruel cruel world. Or, I just wanted a tenuous reason to post this on the daily prompt, you decide.
I believe that the limerick form can cheer up even the most horrid of subjects. What do you reckon?
A fellow alas premature
in his loving, his wife quite demure
Said “I need you to last
and not be so damn fast
cos you’re done fore I start, that’s for sure
A woman got picked up and drugged
and a fellow got beaten and mugged
but I said to the wife
at least we’ve a good life
she said “you’re cold hearted”, I shrugged.
Chap in charge of the choir last spring
said he just loves to make the boys sing
“Do it harder and faster!”
said the old choir master
you really do have a nice ring
A fellow joined up and no doubt
true patriot so he shipped out
Lost his legs to a mine
had some made now he’s fine
and he always gets parked when hes out
A cheating wife knocked up oh dear
Told her hub she was faithful all year
But the couple are white
and the kid black as night
so he left her for chicks, meat and beer
Want to read more of my stuff? No. Don’t blame you, no offence taken.
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/29/a-collection-of-miserable-limericks/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/probing-a-cautionary-tale/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/03/first-blog-post/
https://afterwards.blog/2017/07/14/we-unlikely-few/
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/homage/
Afterwards 