Tag: depression

A quite gallant and mindful Othello

met a lady, fair skinned, hair of yellow

kissed her hand, he did woo

declared his love was true

when in bed he found out ’twas a fellow

 

Once a well endowed lad from Aruba

met a lass kind of shaped like a tuba

she winced at sight of it

but turned out a great fit

and not once has he had cause to lube her

 

 

 

 

 

Once a woman with high expectation

of a future mate and social station

though things didn’t work out

shoved cocaine up her snout

ended up selling ass at the station

Once a fellow somewhat of a sceptic

when his girlfriend said she’s epileptic

well he ended up dead

had a fit giving head

bit it off, got infected, quite septic

 

 

 

Hey you said he’d not win the election

locking kids up gives him an erection

which he’ll force on your Gran

sister, aunties or Mam

build a dead migrant wall for protection

There once was a wife, sweet Theresa

who alas was quite prone to a seizure

Though sometimes during sex

he’d not know what was next

she’d vibrate, hub would squeal, a real pleaser!

 

Seems whenever I go out the sun’s shining

has me grumpy and sweaty and pining

for the end of the summer

all this sun is a bummer

when it’s cold though you know I’ll be whining.

 

 

There once was a vet from Manilla

fell in love with an 8Ft Gorilla

found it ever so grand

silver coat and big hands

things it did with bananas would thrill her

 

 

 

 

 

chap refused to  lave home – a grown man

so his parents came up with a plan

they would shag really loud

bring round the swinging crowd

and on Fridays his grandad and gran

Donald said “I know what will be beautiful

and a way to make cash indisputable

COMING SOON TO THE STAGE

CRYING KIDS IN A CAGE!

well make millions – Immigrants – THE MUSICAL!”

 

 

 

A religious perv hailing from Gent

gave up masturbating for lent

lasting ’till the first morn

he succumbed to the porn

by eleven was rather quite spent

Once a pimpernel Flotus quite chic

In her coat – meant no harm – god that’s weak

Is she really that thick?

She did marry that prick

seems they all have that vicious cruel streak

 

Well off friend of mine met this lass Daiy

a real gold digger, frightfully lazy

she would spend all his stack

weekly empty his sack

said he loves her I said “Mate you’re crazy!”

Lass I know back in school – Afrikaaner

could do quite awesome things with banana

they would make your eyes water

really not sure who taught her

if her mother knew it would alarm her

A quite ravenous chap from Burundi

Gorged on pastries most weekdays bar Monday

when he’d feast on pork chops

steaks, pies chips and roll-mops

and leftovers he’d kept from last Sunday

 

 

 

Once a cross dressing fellow from Dorset

thought he looked really great in a corset

It gave shape to his hips

Gave his bosom a lift

“make it tighter” he cried “really force it”

 

 

 

 

Oh you poor little fellow, so sad

heard you piercing’s infected quite bad

and it’s likely you’ll lose it

lesson learned, don’t abuse it

how you’ll miss what you lost that you had

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A large fellow who thought “well alrighty”

When alone would slip on his wife’s nighty

Loved the soft silken feel

Made him quiver and squeal

Lace clad 300 pounds, most unsightly

 

 

A hardworking hooker, not picky

about who’d she’d get hot and quite sticky

she jerked Nig, Claude and Fred

to Big Dave she gave head

slept with Tommy, Giles, Mark, Luke and Ricky

 

 

 

 

Once a man who would give nought to charity

had a moment of soul searching clarity

gave up all he possessed

to the poor did divest

all his goods to try make up disparity

 

 

There once was a woman from Maine

loved her dog but it drove her insane

ate her chairs and the sofa

soiled her husband Bill’s loafer

doleful eyes insist he’s not to blame

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Again, and this is the second time I have had to clarify such a matter in the last few days, but it is the dog that insists it was not to blame and not husband Bill.  I am pretty sure Bill likes the dog and wouldn’t/culdn’t possibly pass solids into his own best loafer’s just to discredit the dog.  Thinking about it I am not sure how easy it would be to soil one’s own shoe.  It would take a serious effort to land anything inside it I am sure.  Well if anyone has any insights into such things please feel free to share.

Michael

 

 

 

 

Once a chap hated Tuesday, such dread

so he refused to get out of his bed

To sleep Monday, forlorn

and get up Wednesday morn

and between under blankets instead

 

Heard your gastric bypass went quite well

though you’re starving and grumpy as hell

silver lining they say

you’ll lose weight day by day

and you’ll sweat less so maybe won’t smell

 

 

 

Once a lover, convinced he was gifted

Said “I’m surely your best” and insisted

“Baby I’ll make you moan”

But if only he’d known

During sex to ex loves she oft drifted

 

 

 

There once was a woman from France

Asked a baker to go to a dance

As she really did want

His baguette and croissant

And his perfectly shaped vol-aux-vents