Tag: humour

A Sunday something

Not sure my knowledge of singing ranges is actually accurate here, I did research it but you get the point.

Once a conflicted chap from the clergy

could not resist his evil urge he

started up a boys choir

all soprano or higher

now in jail for his crimes he got caught see

 

 

 

Oh well that’s just lovely

Living the dream now people, living the dream. Abominable I realise. But amost true.

Hey you said he’d not win the election

locking kids up gives him an erection

which he’ll force on your Gran

sister, aunties or Mam

build a dead migrant wall for protection

Slingers – Part 0

A something that might be a something or a nothing. We shall see.

Just something I was dabbling with…

With a broad grin spread across his face Drax slammed the blood stained hessian sack down on the counter top.

“Pay up Carlo” he said wringing his hands together.  “Five thousand credits I believe it was.”

Carlo was nearly as wide as he was tall and his round, sweaty and rather hairless head held the appearance of being connected directly to his shoulders.  Gold chains hung around where his neck ought to have been and his pink stubby fingers were adorned with a collection of heavy sovereign rings.  He looked up slowly from behind the counter and removed his holovid.

“That was just getting good, this better be worth it Drax.” He poked at the sack with a pen.  “Who is it?” 

“Vivaldo.”   

“Really?  He seems to be a little smaller than I recall Drax.  Where’s the rest of him?”

“Hey, just cleaning house, making the streets a safer place and all that.” He leaned in towards Carlo, a serious look creeping across his face to replace his usual broad smile.   “He put up a bit of a fight so we only have the head” he said.  “Now I know you normally deduct sixty percent for an incomplete but I can explain what happened to the rest of him.”

“I really don’t care Drax, You slingers know the rules.”

“Carlo, would I lie to you?  You know me I’m straight up I swear It was unrecoverable, surely you can make an allowance.  I can even show you the vid footage.  Let me transfer it over, come on.” 

Carlo heaved himself from his chair breathing heavily.  “Is Dee with you?” he asked peering over the counter top.

Dee looked out from behind Drax. 

“Hey Carlo, good to see you.”

 Carlo grinned wiping his mouth with his hand.  “Dee, you’re looking as lovely as ever, what you still doing with this loser?  You can do better you know – my cousin Luca is on the lookout for a new partner, you and him would be great together.”

Dee tucked her long red hair behind her ears and pushed past Drax smiling.  “It’s my curse honey, we all have our burden’s to bare right.”

Carlo peered inside the bag and then closed it up again.  “We do indeed and yours is not only your beauty but this useless excuse for a partner.”

Dee laughed and placed her hands on the counter top and leaned forward to give Carlo just enough of a peek down her top.

“So are you going to give us a break this time?”  She flashed him a smile.  “It was my fault we lost the body but this is no scam.  There’s no way it survived the things that call the Thames home these days.  It’s gone.”

Carlo licked his lips and mopped his brow. 

“If anyone finds it they’ll have my license you know that right?  There’s a reason you’re meant to bring the whole body in Dee.”  He shot a disapproving glance at Drax.  “We really don’t want the man on the street knowling what’s out there.”

 “Trust me okay.  We’re good.” She said and put a hand on his arm.  Men were such fools.

Carlo sighed, took the bag from the desk and placed it on the floor next to him. 

“I’ll give you four and a half.”  

Dee smiled.  Four and a half wasn’t bad for just a head.

“And the other Five hundred?” Drax asked knowing full well that it would end up in Carlo’s pocket.

Carlo ignored Drax and slipped Dee a red credit card sized token.  “Four and a half Dee, spend it wisely.”

“You’re a gem” she said and winked as she slipped the card into the inside pocket of her jacket.

“So do you have anything else for us?  I could use a decent payday?”

 

  

 

 

Oh that sounds frightful you poor lamb

Hope you feel better soon.

 

Oh you poor little fellow, so sad

heard you piercing’s infected quite bad

and it’s likely you’ll lose it

lesson learned, don’t abuse it

how you’ll miss what you lost that you had