|Cheeky and Sneaky – Room 101

These things tend to be short pieces that may or may not be the beginning of something else. I try to do them in 101 words but sometime not.  .  M’s prompt was ‘Cheeky and Sneaky’.


The great horned god waded ankle  deep through the contorted mass of tortured souls screaming in agony as his cloven hooves bit into their soft pink flesh and dancing flames nibbled on their tender parts.

 “Bring me a paedophile priest “ he roared scooping a particularly rotund fellow from the writhing pile at his feet and tearing him in half.  He swallowed down the top part before tossing the extremities over his shoulder.

 “Not a big fan of legs” he said licking his lips as a couple of imps dragged a most terrified and rather skinny specimen towards him.

 “As requested your most magnificent darkness” the first said bowing as he delivered the cowering man at the feet of the creatures.

 “Young boys eh” he said holding him in his hand and squeezing him slowly.  The man’s eyes bulged and he tried to speak.

 “I am a man of God” he said defiantly.  This was most certainly not the wisest of decisions he had made. 

 “Really?” Said the creature holding him up before his face, eyes black and a mouth red as blood with sharp white teeth glistening.  He roared with laughter.  “I would not doubt it one bit.”

 The two smaller creatures were beckoned over with a long talloned finger as a loud horn signalled above the cacophony of howls and wails. 

“I was thinking some buggery, perhaps with a poker and then how about a nice warm eel bath?  What do you think?”

The creatures exchanged glances. 

 The horned god held out his hand offering the priest to them.  “Is there a problem?” he asked teeth grinding.  “Do you not wish to do my bidding and inflict a delicious and unimaginable revenge on this vile creature? “

 The smaller of the two coughed nervously and elbowed his partner.  “Tell him cheeky, go on.”

 Cheeky cowered and took a deep breath.

 “It’s just that…” He paused.

 Sneaky elbowed him again.  “Just do it” he whispered.

 “Come on, out with it” roared the beast, eyes bulging and tightening his grip on the priest so much so that it emptied it’s bowels quite involuntarily.

 “It’s just that, well, you see Great and Mighty One, the hallowed horn of compliance has blown and union guidelines prevent us from out of contractual hours torture you see.” He exhaled and covered his head expecting a smiting at the very least.

 “Did it?  Are you sure” Said the beast quizzically. 

 “Yes sire” said Sneaky now feeling somewhat emboldened.

 “And you have somewhere to be?”

 “Yes sir?”

 The creature looked a little sad as he placed the priest back amongst the writing mass of agony being slowly roasted at his feet.

 “I just thought maybe you might, you know, want to just finish him off.  Might be fun.”

 The imps exchanged a glance and shuffled uncomfortably.

 “It’s just that it’s a union thing you know.  Not really our call.” Said Cheeky.  “Rules and all that.  We’d love to stay honest we would but…”

 “I see, sure, I suppose yeah no that’s cool really” The god answered.  He paused for a moment.  “Tomorrow maybe?  You doing anything then?”

 Sneaky looked away scratching his head.

 “We er…well its kind of our day off you see.  Mandatory working week rest break.”

 “Oh right yeah cool no problem I get it.”

 “We would have loved to though you know.  What about Sunday?  Were free Sunday right Sneaky?”

 Sneaky shook his head.  “Mephisto” he said coughing into his hand.

 Cheeky stared at his feet. “We kind of have this thing you see.  Its one of the lads deathday.  His big 666.”

 “Oh right sure I see.  Yeah no problem.  Sounds cool.  You guys have a blast.  Maybe I’ll see you next week? “

 “Definitely yes lets make it happen, definitely we will be in touch for sure” said Cheeky as they floated upwards leaving the age old creature stood alone.

 “Why did you agree that?” snapped Sneaky as they flew out of earshot.  “You know we’ve agreed to spend some time with Trump.