Category: Poems

 

So you have cancer. Now what?

That up there is one of the previous posts…

This below is the update 🙂

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So turns out the cancer is progressing faster than they had hoped, and I have to go have treatment. I’d figured I would live with it for years, but turns out not, and I was presented with a number of choices on how to progress. Fortunately, things aren’t bad enough that chemo is on the table, so I have the options of having my prostate removed, a load of external radiotherapy sessions or one session of Brackytherapy .

Ok so they all have their pros and cons – and given my age and relatively decent health (not including the cancer of course) they recommended Brackytherapy. This mostly involves having a load of radioactive seeds inserted into my prostate which then kill pretty much everything (and hopefully dont give me a secondary cancer). Fun eh.

Side effects wise the hope is that beyond exhaustion and perhaps some issues with the waterworks I might bot find it too bad. Its a whole lot better than the thought of having it removed which generally has a long list of possible side effects and all the terrible things that end with ‘ent’ are laid at your doorstep for consideration. Impotent, incontinent, etc etc.

Oh and there was no way I was going to Leeds every day for weeks for external bean therapy. Cant be doing with all that traffic – seems a whole lot worse than cancer to be honest.

Ok so I could still have issues afterwards, nothing is guaranteed, and some of the literature insists that should you struggle peeing afterwards you might want to take a bath or place your penis in a glass of warm water. I don’t like our bath, I always think it will fall through the floor when full, so dipping my cock into warm water it is. I have suggested this to Mrs Afterwards and she thinks I am a dirty bastard and I better not use any of the good glasses.

I think I shall leave it as a lottery and not tell anyone which is the cock glass. Keep them guessing eh!

I will likely need some time off work – few months to recover – and even after I may have to work at home more as there is no bath at work and the thought of getting caught trying to dip my cock into a sink in the office isn’t one I wish to consider. Not sure you can really explain that satisfactorily.

But it has a very high success rate, and I will get to rest lots and catch up on reading and tv so there is a bit of a silver lining.  

The other downside is that I am radioactive for quite some time as I have the radioactive seeds in permanently. I’m not allowed close contact with children or pregnant mothers, which makes me sound like a pervert should I not tell the full story as to why.

I usually play Santa at the rugby club Christmas party but have had to stand down this year for fear of rendering all the local children infertile. As you can Imagine I am quite enjoying telling the story. Oh and I will also set off the radiation alarms at airports and have a special card to explain that I am not actually a terrorist. Just a piece of paper…can you imagine popping to American and trying to explain to them they just need to ring the hospital and they will explain everything. Ill be in an orange jump suit and have a burly ex marine border guard wrist deep inside me before you can say ‘Land of the Free, Mother  fucker!”

Oh, more positives…I will set of a run of the mill Geiger counter. So I will be getting one, just so I can run it over my groin and show how I set it off. Oh and whatever man juice I have will be potentially radioactive for a while. Fucking brilliant! Had I not had a vasectomy I could have made mutant babies.

Anyway, I go in in 2 weeks to get the show on the road…fun times eh!