Carrot Ranch – TUFF

 So I did all 8 of the Carrot Ranch challenges and it culminated in this.  You had to:
Do a 5 minute free write
Turn that into a 99 word piece
Turn the 99 word piece into a 59 word piece
The 59 word piece then becomes a 9 word sentence
And then you build the whole thing back up to a 599 three act piece.
I don’t remember a lot about it as I wrote it kind of drunk on Holiday but I do remember the experience being pretty cool as it really got to the heart of what you wanted to write.  Such a pity the drinks were all free that day.
So here it is:

First do a 5 minutes free write

Wednesday woke up and knew everything.  Everything apart from what had happened the previous evening (including who the fellow in bed next to him was).  His mind raced and his heart pounded as every synapse in his brain fired as the mysteries of the universe unfolded.  He sat up in bed breathing heavily as he understood the origins of mankind, who had killed JFK and why it was that the American people had voted for Donald trump.

He looked down at the man sleeping next to him.  “Not bad” he thought to himself, “must have been one hell of an evening.”  It then occurred to him that he wasn’t gay.  Not as far as he could recall anyway.

He thought for a moment about getting up but decided to lie down again as he realised how to cure cancer.  “Well that was easy” he said to himself as he struggled to piece together the events of the previous evening.  He remembered a few drinks, but not being drunk.


Now turn this into a 99 word piece

The light streamed through the window as Wednesday stirred.  His head hurt.  A lot.  Opening his eyes he sensed someone else in the bed next to him and rolling over saw a familiar face, still asleep.

It was the Barista from the coffee shop on the corner.  He liked the way he made an americano but wasn’t sure he liked it enough to have invited him to his bed.   Besides, he wasn’t convinced that his wife would approve.

Sitting up he rubbed his eyes wondering where she was and then, quite simply, he realised he knew pretty much everything.


Now turn this into a 59 word piece

Wednesday sat up in bed gasping, his pulse racing and a thousand suns exploding in his head. Where was his wife and who was this stranger in his bed?

Rubbing his eyes countless images flashed before them, and every synapse in his brain pulsated with a complete knowledge of everything.

Somehow he knew it all, everything known and unknown.


Then into 9 words

Breaking News: Man wakes up and knows absolutely everything.





Now build it back into 3 acts of 599 words

Act 1

Wednesday awoke with a start and sat upright in bed.  Bright sunshine flooding into his bedroom causing him to cover his eyes as his heart racing and a headache like a thousand suns going  supernova thundered in his head.  Instinctively he reached out a hand but his wife wasn’t there, she hadn’t been since the accident.

“Jesus” he said to himself falling back into the bed covering his eyes, he knew hangovers but this was different.  What the hell had he drank last night?

He wrapped the pillow around his head as the pain in his head began to grow.  His body tensed as wave after wave of pain began to flood over him.  Muscles tensed and sinews stretched and he convulsed as every synapse in his brain fired simultaneously

Through the pain he could see her face smiling at him and he could hear the sweet tones of her voice telling him that it was okay, that it would be fine if he just let it happen, that she understood why he had done what he had done.

Through gritted teeth he grimaced and shouted out.

“I can’t Emily, I cant I’m sorry but it hurts too much.”

“Just close your eyes Wednesday” she urged, “It will all be okay.”

“Im sorry Emily”2 Wednesday mumbled as the pain peaked and he cried out as he was overwhelmed and sunk into a dreamless sleep..


Act 2

When Wednesday awoke a few hours later the pain was gone and he felt an intense serenity. He could still feel her presence but the guilt was gone.  Nothing mattered anymore, especially the things he had done that he revisited in the dark of night.

His heart still raced but his breathing was calmed, and as he lay watching the late afternoon sunlight dance across the walls of the room he understood everything. Something had happened to him, something he couldn’t explain, but he knew that he was changed.

In those moments of intensity something had been revealed, a gift of knowledge, and the understanding of the universe was his.  He held a hand before his face and in that moment saw every atom of his being and understood the origins of humanity.  He watched the sunlight stream through the window and the mysteries of the universe were revealed.

His head to one side, again succumbing to sleep, he heard her voice calling to him.

“It’s my gift to you Wednesday, for what you did.”

“I’m sorry Emily” he said remembering the first time they’d met.

“Don’t Wednesday” she said, “Just sleep my love.  ”Sleep.”


Act 3

As sleep release Wednesday from her grip he stirred and felt alone.  He switched on the television and  watched the futility of mankind in their self-destructive pursuits.

“I can fix this” he thought to himself as he flicked through the channels, ”I can fix it all.”

“Are you ready to make amends” she asked as darkness fell across the room.

“I am” Wednesday answered. “I didn’t mean for it to end like it did” he said as he threw back the duvet.

“And when it is over, then you must relinquish all you now know.”

”And what happens to me then?” He asked. ”How can things ever be the same after what you’ve shown me?”

“Then you return to your reality Wednesday, your life, your guilt and your repentance.”

Wednesday got out of bed and pulled on the previous evenings clothes.  They smelled of liquor and cigarettes and an unfamiliar perfume.

“I thought I might start by curing cancer” he suggested, buttoning his shirt.

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