Some utter filth

For the sake of common decency there are things I would love to write but don’t. Here’s a sneak preview as to why…

If you’ve read me for any length of time you know I love limericks.  Why?  Because they’re such whimsical fun.

Mostly they just kind of appear in my head you know, without much effort.  I will think of a theme, find a couple of words that rhyme and they just magically appear.  Or maybe I have a start or an end line that makes me chuckle and I take it from there.

Now, there are a lot of limericks I do not write that rattle around brain.  Some are just awfully filthy and/or just go too far in terms of good taste and seem rather crass.  The English language is somewhat to blame too, because how am I supposed to not think of the obvious when suck, luck and fuck all rhyme.

You try not to write a limerick about Donald trump having his bottom fiddled with when famous and anus also go perfectly well together.  it is not an easy thing and I am a weak man.  Mostly I like to write those ones on public lavatory walls or teach them to other people’s young children.

Alas I must though have some sort of filter because whilst I don’t mind offending people it should never be done just for the sake of offence.

Anyway, here are a few of the starting or ending lines from some of them them – feel free to perhaps make up your own using them.

Some starts

A well endowed teacher called Rick

An uncle quite fond of incest

A woman with breasts double D

A preacher man down on his luck

There once was a woman quite fussy

 

and how about a few endings…

and exploded all over her face

and a penis the size of a marrow

and collapsed into bed with her dad

and a clitoris the size of a grape

and removing a shoe from his anus

 

anyway…sorry about that.  I’ll go now.

 

 

 

 

Author: Michael

Husband, dad,(ex)programmer, comic collector and proud Yorkshireman. I have no idea why im here or why im writing but i rather enjoy it. no great fan of punctuation;

12 thoughts on “Some utter filth”

  1. Do a separate page and rate it ‘R’ – Adults Only, then people who click on the page know exactly what they’re in for! I love your bits (I call them ditties, which is what my gran called the ones she made up – and no, they were not tame!).

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  10. Damn you M, now they are in MY head!! When I read your limericks in their entirety they make me laugh. Giving us just one line to ponder is sheer torture! The mind goes where it shouldn’t and that’s YOUR job! I like CAGEDUNN’s suggestion of doing an R-rated post with oodles of disclaimers at the top. The disclaimers would probably be almost as funny as the naughty limericks! Carry on!

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  11. I think its almost inevitable you’re right because there once was a temptress from China who sported a quite monstrous…well we shall see. 🙂

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